Dear Mike,

Your site is very informative!

I wanted to give you some background, so that you can properly understand my questions, because I am worried.

I am an unbaptized non-Catholic who has been married twice and divorced twice (to my shame and embarrassment), but would like to join the Catholic Church. The more I read and study, the more I feel a stronger pull toward the Church.

My first marriage was to a baptized Protestant in a church ceremony. It was the first marriage for both of us. We were 22 and 23 years old at the time. Instead of thinking about the sacredness of the wedding vows we were taking, we both thought getting married was just the next logical thing to do after graduating from college. We have one child as a result of the six-year marriage.

He was unfaithful prior to and during our marriage. After our child was born, he lost all interest in a physical relationship and insisted on birth control to prevent any future pregnancy. He announced before our child was two years old, that he did not feel he was cut out for marriage and family life, and he wanted to divorce. He has since remarried and fathered two children in that marriage.

My second marriage was to another baptized Protestant. As a small child, he seldom attended church, except with his grandparents. This was a civil ceremony performed by a judge, because this man did not believe in the Christian religion when we were wed. I had started going to church for several months prior to meeting him, but discontinued (much to my shame) because he did not share this belief. Although there was true fondness and attraction between us, we discussed getting married as a practical solution to us both being single parents. He had been married before and divorced, and then he had a relationship with another woman that resulted in a child out of wedlock. His first marriage was in a church, and he said he truly loved her, but she left, and would not have contact with him to reconcile. He said he was taken by surprise by the divorce papers from her.

He insisted on using birth control the entire time, although he assured me that “some day” we would start a family. Before we wed, he said that if I gained a substantial amount of weight, he would leave me. I gained 25 pounds in our two years together. He did not want to continue the relationship after the weight gain and withdrew emotionally and physically. I had been treated for anxiety and depression prior to our wedding and during the marriage. I am sure this led to the emotional distance increasing between the two of us. He always had a terrible temper and was extremely emotionally abusive to myself and my son.

• I am wondering since I feel the need to pursue becoming Catholic, what are the chances that I would be granted annulment to one or both of the marriages?
• Is either of these a complicated issue that the Tribunal would hesitate over?

I have no plans to marry again, but would like to be able to pursue the life of a devoted Catholic and all that it entails. I am afraid that because of these mistakes in my life, I would not be able to participate fully in the Catholic Church. This has no affect upon my faith or commitment, but I would like to know how likely I will be able to have these two marriages declared null.

As I said before, the man from the second marriage has an extreme temper, and my son and I are very afraid of him. We would prefer not to have contact with him during an annulment process, or to antagonize him (by any of the statements that I have made above describing our marriage) in any way.

• Is there any way to avoid that in the process?

Sorry for the wordiness and multiple questions, but I wanted to include as much detail in order to get realistic answers to my situation.

Thank you!

Terri