Dear Amy —

Thanks for the question.

First, if you are interested in the differences among our faiths, you may find these web postings helpful:

• In what fundamental ways does the Catholic Church differ from Protestant denominations?
• What are the major differences between Baptists and Catholics and how do I become a Catholic?

The Catholic Church is the Church Our Lord Jesus wishes all mankind to join, but no one can force anyone to join any Church against their will. If your boyfriend does decide to start practicing the Catholic faith, you have to make the choice on your own. No one can force you. If someone did, your Baptism would be invalid.

I explained this to my Baptist friend, Fred. At one point during our many conversations, he implied that I was trying to convert him. I explained to him that the only person that can choose to join the Church is the person themselves. I couldn't force Fred to be a Catholic. Fred has to have the mind and will to want to become a Catholic. I can:

• pray for him
• show him the Apostolic history of the Church going back to 33 A.D., and
• give him the good reasons to become a Catholic

but that's it.

Experience has shown that when both the husband-to-be and the wife-to-be, have strong faiths, yet have a mixed marriage (a marriage between two baptized Christians of different faiths), there is usually a lot of tension within the family because both wish to raise their children differently.

This does not seem to be the case in your situation. The Church does teach that if a non-Catholic marries a Catholic, the non-Catholic has to agree to the Catholic spouse raising their children Catholic.

I'm going to stop here, because I put far more credence in what my priest-friends, Fr. Francis and Fr Nick, think about your situation.

If you wish to go deeper, consider buying a cheap copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church to learn everything we believe as Catholics.

You said:
I don't want God to hate me.

God does not hate any one. God loves everyone with an enormous love beyond our imagination. He may not like our choices, but if we choose with a sincere heart, God will always be our All Holy Friend. If you pray on a regular basis, ask God to send the right people into your life to guide you appropriately. He will give you all the answers to your problems ... even within and among family members and their friends!

Hope this helps,

Mike

Amy,

My recommendation would be for them to make an appointment with the local priest to discuss their particular situation. The key areas would be:

• their commitment to each other
• how they bring their faith or lack thereof to the marriage, and
• the faith of their children, etc.

My experience has been that you don't usually get enough information to give accurate advice. For example:

• Has either been previously married — on the side of the family who is half and half?
• Has there been a public apostasy of the Faith, etc.?
  

Fr. Nick

Dear Amy,

Your question is a good one, I am glad you asked it. However even beyond the question of your boyfriend, you getting married, and beyond the question of religion, a far more important point arose at the close of your question. You stated, — "I do not want God to hate me."

• My sister in Christ Jesus, do we not also hold that teaching of Jesus, that you Baptists rightly quote so often?

Amy, my sister in Christ, hear and remember those words, "God so loved the world". The Lord Jesus, our Savior then tells us precisely how God the Father loved the world: that He gave His only Son. Amy, God does not and will not hate you or anyone for that matter, even the most extreme and notorious sinner. You see Amy, as Saint John teaches us "God is love." (1 John 4:16). Just preceding this, Saint John states, "We have come to know and believe in the love God has for us." You see God, in His very Being, is love-self-giving, self-sacrificing love. The Father eternally is giving Himself over to the Son and the Son is eternally receiving or accepting this Gift of Love from the Father and, in turn returning and giving back that love from all eternity, in a great act of self-giving, self-sacrificing. That Love which the Father gives to the Son and the Son in turn returns to the Father is the very being of God, the Gift of the Holy Spirit, the Gift of love.

God Who is eternally Trinity, eternally Love, in the beginning created Heaven and earth through His Word and by His Spirit. God created this universe in and out of love, and even more so created the human race, so that we could receive this love as His Image and respond to this love as His Likeness. We know and believe that from the very first man and woman, at the very beginning of history, that we turned against this love. Adam sinned, and through him all his descendants, and with sin death entered the world.

Yet Amy, even though we turned away from God and His love, He did not hate us. He sought us out, — "Where are you?" is His constant call to lost humanity. Already in the Old Testament, He acted as Shepherd seeking out the lost, again and again offering a covenant to man and through the prophets, teaching us to hope for salvation. It was not until God sent His Son into the world that God is revealed to be "Father", the eternal Father of His only Son, Jesus Christ, and the Father is constantly looking for His prodigals to come home once again.

Saint John teaches us, "God's love was revealed in our midst in this way: He sent His only Son to the world that we might have life through Him. Love consists in this: not that we have loved God but that He has loved us and has sent His Son as an offering for our sins." Amy, hear the Good News, God the Father loves us and hates sin. God loves the sinner and hates the sin!

Since you might be a bit more familiar with Saint Paul, listen to what He teaches,

Amy, my sister in Christ, we are saved by the grace of Jesus Christ through faith. This faith leads to Baptism which for Paul was immersion into the Death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ. Listen to what Paul says,

This New Life Saint Paul speaks about is precisely what Jesus is teaching in John's Gospel concerning "being born again". Responding to Nicodemus' question Jesus teaches:

Nicodemus takes Jesus literally and asks if a man can enter his mother's womb again. Jesus clears up any ambiguity to His teaching:

Amy, Baptism is the way for us to "see the Reign of God", to be "begotten from above", to "be born again". Jesus, in John's Gospel, teaches us that Baptism is being begotten of water and Spirit. This is our entrance into the Church; this is when we are given eternal life.

Now, you ask about your boyfriend and say that he is neither Catholic nor Baptist.

• By this I understand that he neither believes, nor is baptized; am I correct?

Now there is a very good possibility, given his mother's Catholic faith that he is baptized, and at this stage of his life, does not "practice his faith":

• does not keep an active union with Christ
• come to the Eucharist (Mass) frequently
• keep Christ's Commandments
• pray, etc.

If this is the case, your boyfriend is one of Christ's lost sheep.

If I am correct, you have a very specific meaning to "getting saved", meaning being baptized as an adult in the Baptist Church.

• Am I correct?

But he already is baptized "in the Name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." (See Matthew 28) If you want to assist him, encourage him to renew his own faith in Jesus Christ, and you renew and continue to grow in yours. Presuming, he is already baptized as a Catholic and you need to realize that Catholics are Christians. In fact, we were the first Christians, and yes, we can be saved.

Faith is a gift. No one can force another neither to believe this, or that, nor to convert, even if they think it's the right path for them, or for their own good. If faith is not free, it is not faith. Don't seek to force him into your church; we certainly will not force you into ours.

It seems to me that both of you have some real talking and praying to do, before arriving at the step of "getting married".  You both better talk out and pray over:

• the role of Christ in your lives
• the role of your faith in your lives, and
• the role that the Church (meaning Faith Community, not just local congregation) means in your lives and in the life of potential children.

Hope this has helped,

Father Francis