Hi, Josephine —

One of the tough things about being a loving Catholic mother is accepting the fact that each family member, that is old enough to take care of themselves, has their own free will which they can use, or not use, for their own spiritual well-being.

It's their free will, not yours or your husband's. I know this is tough to hear, but it's important.

If your daughter married a Jewish man in the Church, she should have received a dispensation from the bishop in order for the marriage to be a valid, sacramental marriage.

The Jewish man would have to had understood that any fruit of their love [the children], through their marital embraces, would have to be raised in the Catholic faith and he would have to agree to be a witness to this and not to interfere.

It obviously doesn't sound like this happened but that's their problem, not yours.

If your daughter entered into a valid marriage, (which is the ongoing assumption), the best you and your husband can do is pray for them and be a good Catholic witness.

If your daughter's husband never had any intention of raising their children in the Catholic faith, though he promised as much, this can and should be dealt with later. We always assume the marriage is valid.

An expression attributed (by some) to St. Francis tells us:

Evangelize the world, and when necessary, use words.

His point: A silent, but holy witness can do a lot to affect other people's lives. Share with them what we have said in this posting, but in a charitable manner.

Occasionally, I sense our culture views Judaism and Catholicism as at opposite ends of the spectrum.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Salvation comes from the Jews. (John 4:22) Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the Apostles where all Jews at one point.

We would say the Fulfillment of Judaism is found in the Catholic Church. Judaism is the seed. Catholicism is the flower.  Any Jewish man or woman who joins the Church will feel so much at home because they will realize many of the traditions and customs they have, we also have!

• an altar of sacrifice
• celebrating the Passover . . . we do it daily
• confessing sins to a priest
• praying for the faithful departed
• and we have Oral Tradition too!

For the Catholic that believes in prayer, it can move mountains.

I recommend you and your husband say the Rosary together daily for your daughter and especially for her husband's family.

If you are on good terms with your daughter, share with her your concerns in a charitable manner.
Ask charitably if she and her husband would be open to making an appointment with a priest to talk over these promises they make at their wedding.

If the answer is No, just keep praying for them and be there for her if she needs you in the future.

Hope this helps,

Mike

Hi, Josephine —

You said:
I can't talk to my daughter either because she is afraid of her husband, mother-in-law and his aunt.

• Your daughter is afraid of her husband?

A wife should not be afraid of her husband. She should talk to a priest about her current marital situation and why she is afraid of her husband and his family. This is not right and there may be other issues involved that you are not aware of, like physical or verbal abuse.

If things get more serious on this front, I would also call the police and talk to them about the situation.

Currently, it appears your granddaughter, by the example of her parents, will be raised Jewish.  Right now, there is nothing you can do about this except pray for this situation.

By virtue of his Catholic baptism, your grandson is a Catholic Christian. He should be encouraged to pray for his sister. You should also talk to the pastor about what can be done about your grandson receiving catechetical instruction that would allow him to receive his First Communion and Confirmation.

I wish I could give you more positive advice. If your daughter is open to it, I would encourage her to visit our website and ask any question that is on her mind.

Here is the best place to start: https://www.AskACatholic.com/AskUs

My colleagues may have some additional advice.

Mike

HI, Joanne —

In danger of death, anyone, even an atheist, can baptize, if they use the proper Trinitarian formula for Baptism. Otherwise, you cannot baptize them.

I don't know what more I can say, that I haven't said already.

Although your situation may be a hard one, I would strive to build a good relationship with the enemy in your situation.

If that's impossible, I would just ignore them and pray for them. If you are not on good speaking terms with your daughter, at least let her know, you are there for her if she needs your help.

• Strive to be a kind loving mother and good silent witness by doing kind things for them.
• Don't get pulled into conversations that will be fruitless, and
• believe that your perpetual prayer for the conversion of your daughter's husband and his whole family will occur
• Finally, like my non-practicing Catholic mother has told me:
  
  "Michael, Kill'em with kindness!"
  
  She has elaborated,
  < Show them that you are more mature than the current situation dictates. >

These postings from two of my colleagues will confirm what I've told you.

• If I baptize my grandchild because her parents will not, does this count?
• Can a Grandmother get her granddaughter baptized without the parent's permission?

Mike

Hi, Joanne —

The Church does not baptize a child without the permission of at least one parent. After all, the parents have the responsibility to determine the religious formation of the child. The Church respects that, and you should too!

Sadly, your daughter is making a mistake about the religious upbringing of their children, and you just have to let that happen. With the help of God, you can keep a good relationship with her, her husband, and their children.

What you can do is to be a good model. And I should say: worrying about things is not a good example. Padre Pio used to tell people:

"Pray, hope, and don't worry."

As for keeping the granddaughter at home? I never heard of such a thing!

You can encourage your daughter a little from time to time to live her Catholic life actively, attend Mass, and go to Confession occasionally. If she does that, then you can trust that she will eventually have her child baptized.

If that doesn't happen, maybe in a few years when your grandson and granddaughter are older, they may talk to you about God and you can teach them their basic prayers.

For now, you simply have to trust in the Mercy of God. Part of the Divine Mercy devotion is to say to Jesus:

"Jesus, I trust in You."

That's what I recommend you do.

— Richard Chonak