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Thomas ToScaredToConfess wrote:

Hi, guys —

I'm gay, and I have had a sexual relationship with men before. Last year I found my faith and broke off more and more from my homosexual lifestyle and moved closer to Jesus. When I was confirmed at Easter and entered fully into the Church, I thought I could receive the sacraments, including Confession!

I'm disgusted with myself for my past relationships with men! I never want a sexual relationship with one again, but I'm scared to confess this. I've never been to Confession before and I'm too scared to tell any priest about this because of the type of sin this is!

  • What can I do!?

Please help! I've been looking for answers for so long!


  { If I have found my faith and repudiated my homosexual lifestyle, how do I tell this to a priest? }

Paul replied:

Dear Thomas,

First, know that your feelings are perfectly normal. Detestation of self and intimidation in confessing are natural reactions to sin and signs that are hopeful. Those that are in much greater need are those in denial [and/or] still under the illusion that sin and self-abuse can bring about fulfillment.

Please know that most priests have heard everything in the Confessional a hundred times over.
By your formal renunciation of sin and selfishness, Christ is eager to absolve you through the priest and renew your life in grace to experience the freedom that choosing God over self brings about.

Congratulations! Confession is a wonderful sacrament.


Mike replied:

Hi, Thomas —

As my colleague Eric has said in the past:

The Confessional is a tribunal of mercy and healing, not of judgment. The point is not to accuse you or impose guilt; the point is to relieve guilt and apply the balm of mercy to sins so that they might be healed.

A sin is like an injury, and the priest is like a doctor.

We should never hide anything from the Confessor but be honest and open.
Yeah, it maybe a little embarrassing at times, but the spiritual benefits are worth it!

  • Think of it this way, if a soldier is hit by gun fire in Afghanistan twice in the arm and twice in the private places, will the hit soldier tell the doctor only about the hits to the arm or if he is bleeding profusely in the private places, will he tell the doctor about them too?

If he wants to live, he will have to tell the doctor about the hits to the private parts. Sometimes to get totally healed we have to tell the priest, like the doctor, about the private, embarrassing parts of our previous life. Plus with every type of sin we confess, we always receive the grace not to commit that specific sin again.

Hope this helps,


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