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Catholic Husband wrote:

Hi, guys —

My wife swears a lot, and does so in front of our children. We fight regularly about this.

My position is that it is sinful; her position is that it isn't that big of a deal unless she takes the Lord's name in vain — which she says she is trying to stop doing.

Recently, we received a call from our daughter's school complaining about her cussing. My wife was embarrassed and said she would quit swearing and seemed to recognize it was an issue.

It has been less than a week and she started up again. When I asked her to stop (and did so very carefully), she went absolutely ballistic and said that it isn't a big deal. I only want to move us closer to God, and I told her this. Her response to that was that she thinks I am lying to myself and that it's only me who wants her to stop swearing because I want to control her.

At this point I am at a loss.

  • Is there anything someone could suggest?

She won't even talk to me now.

Catholic Husband

  { What can I do about my wife's constant swearing which our daughter has picked up as a habit? }

Bob replied:

Dear friend,

Thanks for the question.

This is a difficult matter to address, because it is likely pushing some other buttons for your wife, for which you have no apparent knowledge. So, I would pray for her, perhaps even pray a deliverance prayer, for she could be under attack, and as her husband (the spiritual head of your home,) you have authority to protect and care for her. Don't let satan have any ground in your home. You need to be a warrior in this and deal with the problem at its source. Pray a daily Rosary, bring holy sacramentals into your home, (i.e. prayer and picture sacramentals) and take your role seriously in this regard.

Secondly, to communicate better with your wife on this, try writing a sincere heart felt letter. Start with an apology, for making your wife feel bad, and perhaps even trying to control her. State that your intention was only to partner with her in making the best home possible for yourselves and your children, and that you want to support her in whatever way possible to try to overcome this habit. Say,

"You're right, swearing isn't the most serious issue, but I feel that when we do a good job overcoming some of the smaller things, we'll be even stronger to overcome more difficult and serious things in the road ahead."

But above all, tell her how much you love her and are glad that she is your partner. (You can even mention that if there is anything that you do that bothers her, to let you know, so you can work on it too!)

Marriage is letting God's grace build the two of you up. Avoid conflict, and turn to God when you seem to hit a wall.

This will work out.


Bob Kirby

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