Dear Mark,
Thanks for the question.
It is lamentable that you both lost fertility through medical interventions, but the nature of the marital act does not change even though your procreative ability has.
If you think this through, saying that your status as an infertile person should allow a different context for male ejaculation (which is essentially sodomy) is a rationale for all homosexual acts, fornication, and virtually anything else that would also be side-stepping the inherent need for (procreative/unitive) capacity.
The conjugal act is the context for man and woman to become one flesh. Every other form of licit sexual stimulation is merely foreplay for the sole purpose of arousal to complete the sexual act in intercourse, (i.e., the ejaculation of the male). Notwithstanding the accidents of premature ejaculation or the post-coital climax of the female via extra stimulation, etc., the essential nature of the act remains the same. We aren't meant to interfere deliberately with its natural order.
You should be in an attitude of regret with respect to your vasectomy and therefore be happy to make amends to God for the mutilation of your body, the negative effects on your marital bond, and the objectifying of sex as an instrument of man's desire rather than the sacramental gift given by our Lord to join Him in co-creating another eternal soul for His kingdom. Maybe you haven't realized the weight of this sin, it is called grave because it is a real rebellion against God. A contrite soul should not look to exploit such illicit gains.
- For example, would we applaud a criminal for taking some of his stolen loot and doing something nice for somebody else?
The kindness he may show to another is falsely obtained. It is a work without merit. So, in this case, using the fruit of this damaging surgery to further enjoy sexual acts that fundamentally distort the meaning of the conjugal act as God intended is to repeat the initial injury. In essence, every climax you would seek outside of the proper context would be akin to the sin of the initial vasectomy.
I don't mean to come across as uncharitable in this, but I fear some of the same thinking that led you to the vasectomy still lingers. You must give over your sex life entirely to the Lord, realizing that this gift is His entirely. Make your sex holy, undiminished in beauty and charity, not seeing your wife as an object to gratify yourself, but that you may become to her, her servant, meeting her emotional and physical needs.
I am glad you are seeking out advice on this, and I think that you must listen to the Holy Spirit on some level when it comes to important matters, for surely He led you here.
Now do the best thing for your marriage and your relationship with God as an individual and a couple.
Peace,
Bob Kirby |