Bringing you the "Good News" of Jesus Christ and His Church While PROMOTING CATHOLIC Apologetic Support groups loyal to the Holy Father and Church's magisterium
Home About
AskACatholic.com
What's New? Resources The Church Family Life Mass and
Adoration
Ask A Catholic
Knowledge base
AskACatholic Disclaimer
Search the
AskACatholic Database
Donate and
Support our work
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
New Questions
Cool Catholic Videos
About Saints
Disciplines and Practices for distinct Church seasons
Purgatory and Indulgences
About the Holy Mass
About Mary
Searching and Confused
Contemplating becoming a Catholic or Coming home
Homosexual and Gender Issues
Life, Dating, and Family
No Salvation Outside the Church
Sacred Scripture
non-Catholic Cults
Justification and Salvation
The Pope and Papacy
The Sacraments
Relationships and Marriage situations
back
Specific people, organizations and events
Doctrine and Teachings
Specific Practices
Church Internals
Church History

Anonymous Mark wrote:

Hi, guys —

My wife and I are very faithful Catholics. Unfortunately, many years ago, when we were not faithful Catholics, I had a vasectomy. Subsequently, my wife needed a hysterectomy for health reasons. In other words, conceiving is impossible - I have no sperm, and my wife has no uterus.  My question, therefore, is: 

  • Can I climax with my wife through fellatio?

I understand the requirement for a man to climax inside the woman through intercourse, but given my wife's inability to conceive and my inability to provide sperm, I'm wondering if that requirement still holds.

Thanks, and God Bless!

Mark
  { Since we now have these physical limitations, via a vasectomy and a hysterectomy, can I climax with my wife through fellatio? }

Bob replied:

Dear Mark,

Thanks for the question.  

It is lamentable that you both lost fertility through medical interventions, but the nature of the marital act does not change even though your procreative ability has.  

If you think this through, saying that your status as an infertile person should allow a different context for male ejaculation (which is essentially sodomy) is a rationale for all homosexual acts, fornication, and virtually anything else that would also be side-stepping the inherent need for (procreative/unitive) capacity.

The conjugal act is the context for man and woman to become one flesh. Every other form of licit sexual stimulation is merely foreplay for the sole purpose of arousal to complete the sexual act in intercourse, (i.e., the ejaculation of the male).  Notwithstanding the accidents of premature ejaculation or the post-coital climax of the female via extra stimulation, etc., the essential nature of the act remains the same.  We aren't meant to interfere deliberately with its natural order.

You should be in an attitude of regret with respect to your vasectomy and therefore be happy to make amends to God for the mutilation of your body, the negative effects on your marital bond, and the objectifying of sex as an instrument of man's desire rather than the sacramental gift given by our Lord to join Him in co-creating another eternal soul for His kingdom.  Maybe you haven't realized the weight of this sin, it is called grave because it is a real rebellion against God.  A contrite soul should not look to exploit such illicit gains.  

  • For example, would we applaud a criminal for taking some of his stolen loot and doing something nice for somebody else?

The kindness he may show to another is falsely obtained.  It is a work without merit.  So, in this case, using the fruit of this damaging surgery to further enjoy sexual acts that fundamentally distort the meaning of the conjugal act as God intended is to repeat the initial injury.  In essence, every climax you would seek outside of the proper context would be akin to the sin of the initial vasectomy.

I don't mean to come across as uncharitable in this, but I fear some of the same thinking that led you to the vasectomy still lingers.  You must give over your sex life entirely to the Lord, realizing that this gift is His entirely.  Make your sex holy, undiminished in beauty and charity, not seeing your wife as an object to gratify yourself, but that you may become to her, her servant, meeting her emotional and physical needs.

I am glad you are seeking out advice on this, and I think that you must listen to the Holy Spirit on some level when it comes to important matters, for surely He led you here.  

Now do the best thing for your marriage and your relationship with God as an individual and a couple.

Peace,

Bob Kirby
Please report any and all typos or grammatical errors.
Suggestions for this web page and the web site can be sent to Mike Humphrey
© 2012 Panoramic Sites
The Early Church Fathers Church Fathers on the Primacy of Peter. The Early Church Fathers on the Catholic Church and the term Catholic. The Early Church Fathers on the importance of the Roman Catholic Church centered in Rome.