Janella,

Yes, you can go to Hell for having a sexually expressed relationship with someone of the same gender. This is a grave sin, and if you know it's a grave sin, and do it freely, saying to yourself "I don't care that it's a grave sin, I'm going to do it anyway", then you will be condemned (unless you change your mind and repent). Note that the Church does *not* teach that having same-sex attraction itself is sinful, only that expressing it physically is sinful (having oral or anal sex, for example.) It's the behavior and acting on it that is wrong, not the attraction.

The Catholic Church has always taught that sexual love is intended to be open to life and has always considered immoral those acts that are fundamentally sterile, whether it's masturbation, sodomy (oral or anal sex, either between members of the opposite sex or members of the same sex), or contraceptive sex. (Sexual love is also intended to be confined to marriage between one man and one woman.)

Anything which might lead you down the road towards same-sex sexual activity, such as kissing, would also be sinful. Don't get on the train if you don't plan to go to the destination!

This is nothing to toy with.  The demons who tempt us can be very sly and convincing, planting thoughts in our minds that this, or that, or some other thought is "harmless". Strive to avoid anything that even points in that direction; give no quarter to, and make no compromise with, the temptation. If this means avoiding private one-on-one contact with certain friends because you find it tempting (and especially if you find it arousing), then so be it.

All Christians are called to chastity, that is, proper use of the sexual faculties. Those who are not attracted to members of the opposite sex are called to continence (no sex or physical intimacy). This is definitely hard to live out.

but God offers us the grace to do it, and he never permits us to be tempted beyond our ability to resist (1 Corinthians 10:13). He can do great things in us through the struggle to remain chaste or continent. It can be done, joyfully, and people have done it. It's a lie to say that you "must" have physical intimacy or that you will be miserable for the rest of your life.

I recommend praying, when you are tempted,

1. "I renounce, reject, and rebuke, with all of my heart, mind, soul, strength, and will, homosexuality and homosexual behavior in the Holy names of Jesus and Mary and in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit",
2. then Cross yourself, and
3. repeat this three times.

The world tells us this is OK. Do not listen to the world.

You have to decide whether you want to live for God or live for pleasure. Jesus said,

This is your cross. If you are Catholic, I encourage you to find a chapter of a support organization known as Courage (www.couragerc.org). 

Janella,

It's OK to have friendship and emotional bonds — as long as you're careful not to be drawn into sexual contact. Sleeping in the same bed will not help you and if you live together, work toward extricating yourself.

Eric

Janella,

Sorry for the delay in replying.

In addition to the advice I provided in my last e-mail, I'd say first of all:

1. pray and surrender this matter and all matters in your life to Christ, daily.
2. Resolve to believe and obey the Gospel and rely on God's grace to get you through, because without God's grace you aren't going to succeed.
3. Turn toward Christ (who loves you more than you can imagine and is waiting to receive you), put God first in your life and do whatever you can to identify sin in your life and reject it. Scripture says that "the wages of sin is death". (Romans 6:23)

This means that when we sin, it causes us to die spiritually, maybe a little, maybe a lot, depending on the sin, and this ultimately wreaks havoc on our lives and causes us not to function as God designed. The depression, anxiety, fear, anger, unhappiness, and other such negative things in our lives I'm convinced are influenced by or caused by the effects of sin. Peace and joy are the fruit of the Holy Spirit, and those who follow Christ experience it, though it may take some time to reach that stage.

If you are Catholic, you should examine your life and what you've done, and when you've identified your sins, including this one, bring them to the Sacrament of Reconciliation for healing. What is called an "Examination of Conscience" can help; here is a comprehensive one:

• Examination of Conscience for Adults

If you haven't been to Confession for a while, the priest can help you through it if you explain your situation. If your Confession is going to be long, you may want to make an appointment with the priest instead of going at the regular hours of Confession. You should go to Confession regularly, more often if you struggle with chastity.

The priest is like a physician; open your soul to him. Just as you would not go to the doctor and hide an injury or sickness in an embarrassing spot, you should not hide your sins from the priest. He is there to heal you and the sacrament is very powerful.

You should go to Mass on Sundays and holy days if you aren't already. After you've confessed, presuming you're a baptized Catholic who has already had her First Communion, you can receive Communion. If you aren't Catholic, I encourage you to become one.

Pray this at least daily:

"I leave your ranks, Satan, and your pomp, and your service, and I join the ranks of Christ."

(Satan and his demons are fallen angels who tempt us with immoral thoughts and fight to drag us down to Hell.) Get in the habit of praying daily; if you don't pray, you can't be saved, the saints say. Start off small; as soon as you get up, offer the day to God. (I say, "I offer this whole day to you, for your greater glory, for union with you, and for perfection in virtue"). At the end, give thanks for everything that's happened, even the bad stuff, because God permits it for a reason. Scripture says, "All things work for good for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:28) Remember what I said in the last e-mail about praying to renounce, reject, and rebuke, with all of your heart, mind, soul, strength, and will, homosexuality and homosexual behavior, in the names of Jesus and Mary, and in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, especially when you have lustful thoughts or feel sexually attracted to women.

Another powerful prayer is,

"Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner."

I encourage you to pray this whenever you think to do so, but I don't want to overburden you, first things first. The name of Jesus is very powerful when prayed, especially aloud.

Get a Bible if you don't have one and start reading the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). Start with the parable of the Prodigal Son, Luke 15:11-32. Then read the Gospel of Mark. 

You should study the faith, including what is moral and immoral. If you're a young adult, you may be best off reading a book called YouCat (for Youth Catechism). If you're older, say in your 30s or older, you should read the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC). If you can't find it locally, you can read it online here: 

• Catechism of the Catholic Church from St. Charles Borromeo, Picayune, Mississippi

Remember that God loves you more than you even love yourself. He wants you to love him and wants to have a relationship with you. Scripture says "With God, all things are possible."

You do have a tough situation, but it's nothing that you and God can't handle. Above all, submit everything in your life to Christ. Without him, we can do nothing good.

We are here to help you if you need further help!