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Martha
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Hi, guys —
My name is Martha and I'm fourteen.
I have a very good friend who I spend a lot of time with. I go to school with her. We're on the same sports team, we hang out on the weekend, etc. We see each other a lot and we often hold hands or hug or even sleep in the same bed if we are sleeping over.
I have always loved hugs and think they are something good that God created for us to enjoy. I also believe that one can cuddle one's parents, a younger sister, maybe a younger brother, yet over the last couple weeks I have become very confused about whether "cuddling" (or hugging or holding hands etc.) with someone of the same sex is a sin if you are not related.
I used to think of hugging and holding hands etc. as simply a way of expressing connection with another person. I understand that cuddling or kissing is a sin between a man and woman who are not yet married (at least that is my understanding, because it is not exactly chaste), however,
- Because we will obviously never be getting married, etc, is cuddling or hugging my friend who is the same sex a sin?
I am not thinking sexually or doing it for a similar reason. I am going through a hard time with my family, and so is she, and a hug is often very comforting for both of us. Then I got to thinking about this crazy, "homosexuality-is-okay" world, and I am having doubts about the chastity of this friendship.
- Am I just over thinking it?
Please help. I'm sorry if this is not clear enough, my mind is in a jumble. I will of course ask a priest as soon as I can, but I also wanted to ask here.
In Christ,
Martha
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{
Is "cuddling" or hugging my friend (who is the same sex) a sin or am I over thinking things? }
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Eric replied:
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Martha,
I'd definitely classify this as a dilemma best discussed with your mother or a priest. One thing that you have to keep in mind is that there are a lot of actions that don't seem sinful at first glance, but we have an Enemy that tries to subtly lead us into sin.
Yes, there is a host of personal evil spirits who want nothing less than to lead us into sin and separation from God. I know from my own experience the path to woe starts with consenting to things that don't immediately seem wrong or sinful.
While I am not privy to the dynamics of female relationships, and while I understand they are naturally more affectionate and physical than male relationships, intuitively, it seems to me that hugs are OK, but "cuddling," however that is defined, is probably unwise at best.
For reference, I have not encountered adult women who engage in it.
- Hugs, yes;
- brief touches, yes;
- but not extended full-body contact.
There is such a thing as an "occasion of sin," which is something that while not inherently sinful, takes an imprudent step in the direction of sin. Avoiding “occasions of sin” is like putting a fence around hazards of sin.
Eric Ewanco
It is good that you exist. You are worth more in the eyes of God than the entire cosmos..
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Martha replied:
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Good evening, Eric —
Yes, I will definitely ask my mother or a priest. Avoiding the near occasions of sin is very solid advice.
Thank you for your time!!
In Christ,
Martha
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Bob replied:
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Dear Martha,
I’m not sure if you received a response, but just a follow up anyway. Did you get to talk this through with a priest? Generally, if our conscience is raising doubts about something it requires us to look at it more closely. While the actions could be completely benign, sometimes innocent things can become a near occasion of sin.
Sadly, we live in a world where there are snares all about us. Girls have commonly been more tactile in expressing closeness with friends, it is a gender thing, but as you pointed out in our sexually confused culture it runs the risk of going sideways.
I would avoid cuddles and things that can push sexual buttons (maybe in the other if not yourself), but holding hands (like walking somewhere) is something you would do with any close family or friend so that seems fine.
I’m glad you are a conscientious young woman who stops to think about the implications and risks associated with behaviors, that will take you far in life.
Peace,
Bob Kirby
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