Welcome, Annlouisa.

You have not sinned in doing your penance. A sin is something you know is wrong, and do willfully. As for how do I understand what he said: it means five of the prayers, not five decades.

You might want to read works by Gerard van den Aardveg on homosexuality.
He really helps in understanding.

• The Battle for Normality: Self-Therapy for Homosexual Persons
• Homosexuality and Hope: A Psychologist Talks About Treatment and Change
• Homosexualidad y esperanza
  
  all by Gerard J. M. van den Aardweg

You may also be interested in these books by Joseph Nicolosi:

• Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality: A New Clinical Approach by Joseph Nicolosi
• Healing Homosexuality: Case Stories of Reparative Therapy by Joseph Nicolosi
• Shame and Attachment Loss: The Practical Work of Reparative Therapy by Joseph Nicolosi
• A Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexuality by Joseph and Linda Ames Nicolosi (Authors)
• The Battle for Normality: Self-Therapy for Homosexual Persons by Gerard J. M. Van Den Aardweg

You said:
Anyway, I struggle with homosexuality, and I've dealt with the guilt numerous ways.

There is no guilt with homosexuality, only with homosexual behavior. It is common for young girls to have crushes on their friends as they sort out their own identity — a crush being an intense emotional attraction, not necessarily a romantic or sexual one. Girls explore their identity through relationships (Am I like this person or that person? Does this or that person like me?) while boys explore it through competition and group activities. Girls have to go through this intense friendship phase to separate out their own identity — they even have crushes on teachers when they are 7-9.

Unfortunately, since the advent of middle-school sexual behavior, normal relationships get sexualized, and then people can get fixated on that sort of relationship. In addition, many young girls are traumatized by:

• early father loss or mother loss
• sexual abuse, or
• heterosexual behavior that has come to be expected of them and they turn later, for an emotional connection, to females.

The result is the growth of high-school and college lesbianism.

Adults can mis-use these developmental stages, and lead girls astray. This is one reason why the mass consciousness of same sex relationships is so harmful (together with the propaganda about it to children) — normal things get sexualized.

It is also normal for boys to idealize and emulate another boy, and often to have an emotional attachment. In the case of boys who have parental issues or peer relationship issues, this idealization can be romanticized in a narcissistic way and, if a boy is homosexually abused or has an early homosexual encounter, this narcissistic yearning can lead to homosexual behavior which then later becomes fixated as a homosexual identity. This is one reason why, for boys and girls,
it is so wrong to have programs in school that tell children:

"If you feel strongly for someone of the same sex, you might be homosexual."

It all comes from our society not promoting true sexuality. For a sense of the meaning of your sexuality and your womanhood, you might want to read anything on "Theology of the body" and ask the Blessed Mother to intercede for the healing of your feminine wounds.

You also might want to explore the roots of your same sex attraction. You might read Van den Aardveg's book, "The Battle for Normalcy." Realize that the condition does not make you evil, and that you do have some control over your choice of actions, with God's help.

Develop good same sex friendships. Keep up your prayer life and sacraments, avoid scrupulosity, and don't worry.

Hope this helps,

Mary Ann

Hi Annlouisa,

Thanks for the question.

I just wanted to add on to what Mary Ann said in the beginning of her answer.

The penance the priest asked you to do was just 5 separate Hail Mary prayers.

The prayer goes this way:

Hail Mary, Full of grace, the Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God
Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen

The meaning of each of the phrases has been taken from the CCC below:

There are 20 Holy Mysteries that Christians can meditate on while praying the Holy Rosary.
Each one of these 20 mysteries is Scriptural and deals with an important event in Christian history in the lives of both Jesus and Mary, His Mother.

In the same way that our life has its ups and downs, so did Jesus and Mary's.
The Church has grouped these periods of time into four categories:

• The Joyful mysteries
  • the Annunciation
  • the Visitation
  • the Incarnation or birth of the God-Man, Jesus
  • the Presentation to Simeon and Anna
  • the Finding of the Christ Child in the Temple
• The Luminous mysteries
  • the Baptism of Jesus by John the Baptist
  • the Wedding Feast at Cana
  • the Proclamation of the Gospel by Jesus Himself
  • the Transfiguration of Jesus between Moses and Elijah
  • the Institution of the Eucharist on Holy Thursday
• The Sorrowful mysteries and
  • the Agony in the Garden of Gethsemane
  • the beating and scourging at the pillar
  • the Crowning with Thorns
  • the Carrying of the Cross to Calvary
  • the Crucifixion and Death of Jesus on the Cross
• The Glorious mysteries
  • The Glorious Resurrection
  • the Ascension into Heaven
  • the Descent of the Holy Spirit on Mary and the Apostles
  • the Glorious Assumption into Heaven of Mary
  • the Crowning of Mary as Queen of Heaven and Earth.

Each of these mysteries consist of five decades. Each decade represents a special event in the live of Jesus and Mary. During these five decades, we vocally pray aloud while at the same time inwardly meditating on different joyful, luminous, sorrowful, or glorious event in the life of Jesus and Mary. Our previous Pope talked about the importance of this inward meditation. Without it, he said, we can easily fall into the trap of Vain repetition.

Each decade consists of One Our Father prayer and Ten Hail Mary prayers.

Most of the time, if a priest tells you to say the Rosary for a penance, he probably wants you to say one five-decade Rosary from one of the four categories above. If you are ever unsure about your penance, don't be shy about asking the priest what he means. For most people, a five-decade Rosary takes about 15-20 minutes.

If you are interested in learning more about the Rosary, google for a free one on-line today!

Hope this helps,

Mike