Hi Thomas,

Rather then say:

"I know that the Church teaches that couples should be open to procreation."

I would say:

"the Church teaches couples must be open to procreation."

It is a fruit of married life and mirrors the Holy Trinity.

• The love of God the Father (mirrored in the husband) for His Son, Our Lord Jesus is 1,000%.
• The love of Our Lord, Jesus (mirrored in the wife) for His Eternal Father is also 1,000%.
• The greatness of that Divine love for each other between the Father and the Son is so great, it brings forth a third Person of the Trinity, the Holy Spirit. (mirrored in their children)

In this how the sacramentally, married Catholic family is patterned after the Holy Trinity.

As my colleague Paul has said, because both man and wife are baptized, there is an exchange,
not only of life, but of supernatural life.

• Make sense?

At your marriage, if the marriage consent from both spouses was present, you and your wife received special graces to be co-creator's with God as well as special graces to bring your children up Catholic.

Assuming both of you are baptized Christians, if that consent was lacking by either spouse, the marriage is invalid in the eyes of the Church.

Age is not an issue. Turn to the Scriptures, Abraham was age 99 when he had a child with Sarah! Read Genesis Chapters 17, 18 and 21.

My point: With God everything is possible.

My view: If Abraham was ready at age 99, why can't any man be ready at age 99 : )

That's my two cent.

Mike

Hi Thomas,

We need to separate issues.

The validity of marriage, openness to bearing children, and the use of artificial contraception.

There is a difference between trying to conceive, and using artificial contraception to thwart the will of God, or even abusing natural family planning with a contraceptive mentality.

Artificial contraception is a grave matter otherwise known as mortal sin so if you've been doing that, your first concern should be going to Confession. Then you can worry about the validity of your marriage.

As for the validity of the marriage itself, I'm not an expert, but I have to question why you are asking this question now, since you went into the marriage knowing your wife to didn't want to attempt to have children.

• Is it that you now want children?, or
• Do you want out of the marriage?

John

Hi Thomas,

Technically, a marriage is presumed valid until judged otherwise. Some grounds for invalidity can be rectified by the couple themselves, as in your case, where the two people can decide to be open to life.

It is true that intentionally excluding children per se from a marriage can invalidate the marriage but it is also true that there can be, from the beginning of a marriage, serious reasons for avoiding conception, such as for health reasons, in which case, a couple who practices Natural Family Planning (NFP) to avoid pregnancy, while having a serious reason to do so, remains open to life in principle. Each marital act, even though the marital acts take place at a time when the woman is presumably unable to conceive, is still open to life.

Age alone would not qualify as a health hazard, without some other complicating factors, especially in our society. One has to ask oneself:

• Is there a health risk or do I just prefer not to have children to the extent even of denying my spouse his right to have children?

So there are a lot of issues, and a lot to be honest with oneself about, and perhaps a lot to think about for the very first time. If the couple had decided to rule out children per se (not because of serious health or financial reason), then, yes, there is reason to doubt the validity of the marriage.

It needs to be addressed, either in the internal forum ("honey, let's change our minds") with Confession, or in the marriage tribunal and, of course, if you guys got married in the Catholic Church, one or both of you must have lied, because there is a particular question asked during the marriage ceremony for just these reasons.

I would suggest that together you get some good spiritual help from a faithful Catholic priest who follows the Church. If your wife doesn't want to deal with this issue at all, then you have decisions to make.

As I said, you are not the one to say if your marriage is valid or not, but you do have reason to doubt it. A good canonist (St. Joseph Foundation) or spiritual director might help you sort out what your moral obligations are regarding the marriage. I do know that one cannot morally accept using contraception under any conditions.

May God bless you both, and be assured of our prayers.

Mary Ann

Hi Thomas,

First and foremost, you should be concentrating on the commitment you made to your spouse and saving your marriage and not be looking for a back-door Church approved way out.

We explain things to the couple prior to marriage in the Marriage prep classes so the couple knows what is expected of them. The Church does not judge the validity of a marriage while it still exists.

Even though your wife had no interest in conceiving at age 41, because you are still married, the Church still recognizes the validity of your marriage but again, you should be concentrating on the commitment you made to your spouse and saving your marriage and not be looking for a way out.

Fr. Jonathan