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Hello to you all!
First let me say, I am a Protestant but my denomination is very close
to the traditions and values of the Catholic Church. I am a
member of the Disciples of Christ Church and we are centered
around communion and community, much like your Church. My family
is Catholic, and my mother left the Church in the mid-70's
— This would be pre-Vatican II, right? but, other than my mom,
pretty much everyone is Catholic. I am not anti-Catholic in
anyway . . . I am not against it and I think it is beautiful but
it's just not for me.
Now, here is where you guys come in. I need advice . . . Well, my boyfriend
and I need some advice and feedback. I pray that you
guys are an appropriate group to ask!
My boyfriend is devoutly Catholic. It is beautiful. He tries his best
not to miss Mass, prays the Rosary often, and reads Scott Hahn
as much as he drinks water. Both of our deep faiths and desire
for Christ have led us into a high spiritual, Christ-centered
relationship where we learn so much from each other. Lately,
we have been talking about marriage and he is going through
a discernment process trying to decide if he is ready, and if
it is what God wants. Our main concern is the fact that he is
Catholic and I am not. Personally, we don't see it as a big
deal. We both enjoy going to church with each other (I work
as a Youth Minister) and we are both pretty big on the fact
that we are both Christian.
The tension comes from our parents.
As I said earlier, my mother left the Catholic Church when she
was 17 years old. She went to Catholic school her whole life
and grew up in a Catholic home. She felt the needed to leave the Church
after a series of events. The result was excommunication from parts
of her family.
Her father did not talk to her for a while and her own grandparents
did not even come to her wedding. I remember as a kid,
my grandfather walking out of the house Christmas Eve because
my mom did not want to go to a Catholic Mass. It was a pretty
hot topic when I was a child.
Now, my mom keeps saying to me
that I don't need to go to a Catholic church and that they are crazy. Pretty much everything along a Catholic bashing crap line. On the other
hand, I don't listen to her. I know her experience was one persons
experience, and I do enjoy going to Mass with my boyfriend. Since I
have told her this she really does not bash the faith in front of me anymore.
Now, my boyfriend's parents:
They were originally a Catholic-Protestant
couple. My boyfriend's mother was Catholic and his father
was a Methodist. When they were married, the father's family
were in an uproar over the fact he was marrying a Catholic,
and she was stealing him away etc., etc. He eventually became
a member of the Catholic Church, and according to family legend, it was the straw that broke the camel's back.
There is a
permanent riff between them that, in my opinion, his mother
plays victim a lot.
I say this because I cannot imagine someone
hating Catholics and intentionally trying to convert someone
from their beliefs. She has recently told my boyfriend that:
"I
hope you realize that if your father had never converted,
family life would not be as hard as it has been." or something
like that.
I have repeatedly invited her to my church, after
having attended with her several times. She just ignores me.
She has had a tough time with her faith. Coming from a large
family, she is the only sibling still in the Catholic
Church and, for that reason, she's made fun of it a lot. I think
she sees Protestants as the enemy. This hurts my feelings incredibly.
I try, so hard, to ignore the differences, but to no avail.
She is very hypocritical in saying that Protestants are always
bashing Catholics and asks why won't they come to her church.
She won't acknowledge she does the same thing. I have talked
to my boyfriend about this and he tells me that she is hypocritical
and he has learned to ignore what she says. He does not share
her opinions.
Anyway, my big question for you is:
- Can a Catholic and Protestant
be happily married?
My boyfriend and I have discussed meeting
with Catholic and Protestant couples to talk — sort of like Pre-Cana meetings.
We do realize the importance of our faiths, and have discussed raising
our children in both churches, respecting and honoring each
church.
- How would a wedding work?
Since I work at a church,
it is obvious a perfect venue for the occasion. We have
agreed on that. We would want clergy from both churches there.
- Do joint ceremonies exist?
- Are Priests/Deacons OK with
this?
- Is this allowed, or would the marriage not be seen as
legit in the eyes of the Catholic Church?
- Finally, how can I
relate to his mother more?
I know this is an awkward and very tiring question, and I appreciate
you reading my insanely long e-mail. I sincerely hope to hear
back from you and I respect and appreciate making yourself
available to people like me.
God Bless,
Anna
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