Kevin,

When you love your family in a good way, which means wanting and doing what is truly good for them, then you are loving God. We love God in and through loving his creatures, if we are loving the creatures properly.

The only problem comes when we might want a lesser good for our family than God wants, and seek that, rather than God's will.

For instance, our affection for a child might lead us to want to accept his or her immoral behavior so that they will like us. That is not loving the child nor loving God.

Mary Ann

Hi Kevin,

Jesus said,

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters — yes, even his own life — he cannot be my disciple."

(Luke 14:26)

By hate He means love less. So, yes, I would say that we are to love God more than our family — God has priority over anyone else. It's a radical notion but that's what the Gospel calls us to.

That said, we have to be careful not to confuse love, for affection. It is much easier to have affection for our family, whom we can see, than for God, who is less tangible. Love here means Christian love, sometimes called charity or unconditional love. This kind of love, isn't a feeling, but a decision.

I'm not sure how God judges people who love their family more than Him.

My suspicion is that this applies to specific, conscious decisions that people make in favor of their family and against God (for example, something immoral), rather than some sort of constant sin that comes from a general state of not explicitly thinking you love God above your family.

For example:

• if your spouse pressures you not to go to Mass on Sunday and you give in to her, for whatever reason, you'd be loving her more than God, or
• if your brother tries to convince you to participate in some sort of unethical scheme.

If you're willing to do what God requires, even if it involves opposition to your family, then you are probably OK.

Eric