Hi, Mary —
I have spoken to a priest whom I trust in these
matters.
This priest has no right to deny you a regular marriage
ceremony. In addition, convalidation can only happen
when the couple has gone through some formal ceremony,
be it civil or in another ecclesial setting.
That said, the priest may or may not have the right
to refuse to participate in particular ethnic traditions
which are not part of the marriage ceremony for the
universal Church.
It is important to understand that you will be entering
into a sacrament. For the graces to be effective
you need to be in a state of grace. Therefore, you
need to repent of your current situation in order
to be in a state of grace.
It's great that you want make things right, but that
requires a sacramental Confession. You need to live
celibately as well (even if under the same roof) until
you get married. Otherwise, you are continuing in
the same sin.
This is the course of action you need to follow,
if you really want to fix this situation and make
your marriage right.
John
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