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Hi, Joleen —
If you go face to face, typically
the priest will start with the sign
of the Cross. If you're doing it
anonymously, you can start with the
sign of the Cross. Then say,
Bless me Father, for I have
sinned; it has be X weeks/months/years
since my last Confession.
For further details, here is a
good guide on how to go to Confession [PDF].
How often you go is up to you. If
you are conscious of having committed
a mortal sin — that is to say,
a sin of serious matter (such as
a sexual sin) committed totally freely
and knowingly — you should
repent of the sin (that is, turn
away from it and resolve not to do
it again) and express your sorrow
to God out of love for him, asking
His forgiveness. Then go to Confession
as soon as is practical (before you
go to your next Communion). You must tell
the priest what mortal sins to the
extent you recall, both number and
kind of the sin, with any circumstances
that were relevant, e.g., I
committed adultery a few dozen times
with my boss instead of the
vaguer I committed some sexual
sins. Other than mortal sins,
you don't technically need to go
to Confession, although many find
it helpful to go once or twice a
month.
Going to Confession weekly isn't out of the question
but avoid being scrupulous.
As for what is considered a sin,
doing an examination of conscience
with a printed guide is helpful.
An examination of conscience is when
you search your heart and identify
areas where you've fallen short and
sinned. It's like doing a review
of your heart and actions during
the time since your last Confession.
You should start by asking Jesus
to show you your sins, opening your
heart to Him and committing yourself
to do His Will out of love for Him.
I haven't reviewed it in detail but
after a cursory examination this
looks like a good place to start.
It will give you a good idea of what's
a sin and what is not. I'm not sure
where you are in your faith so you
may find this overwhelming; if so,
just start with what your conscience
is convicting you of and commend
the rest to prayer, asking Jesus
to show you the truth.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church
will tell what is a sin, too; but
the relevant section on the Ten Commandments
is long and I'm not going to make
you read that before you go to Confession.
(I would though encourage you to do so eventually.)
Since you've never gone to Confession
you'll want to do what is called
a general Confession, which is a
review of your whole life. Generally,
as these tend to be on the long side,
it is better to make an appointment
with the priest and say you want
to make a general Confession rather
than doing it at the regular time
for Confession. Also, due to the
fading memory, you'll understandably
not be able to offer as many details
about mortal sins, and that's OK;
you just do the best you can.
General Confessions should focus
on mortal sins, otherwise they'd
drag on for hours. It may be easier
to write things down over a period
of time as you remember them so you
can present them easily to the priest.
You can even give the paper to the
priest and say I confess these
sins.
(Just be sure to get the paper back
and thoroughly destroy it when you're
done!)
Remember that the Confessional is
a tribunal of mercy and healing,
not of judgment. The point is not
to accuse you or impose guilt; the
point is to relieve guilt and apply
the balm of mercy to sins so that
they might be healed. A sin is like
an injury, and the priest is like
a doctor.
May God bless you through your first
Confession!
Eric
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