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Confused,
Concerned, and Confirmed
wrote:
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Hi, guys —
I've been a Catholic from birth and have received all
of my sacraments, as well as some extra blessings throughout
the years.
My question is about my current relationship. We have
been together going on four years, have made love, fully
given ourselves to one another, and have never had a different
partner. We have also promised to marry one day when I
have graduated from college, and we do not live together
for the simple reason that my parents would not approve.
- I was wondering, what we would have to go through to
be chaste or pure enough to be married in the Church?
I would never dream of not having a Catholic wedding
and he feels the same way. My boyfriend was baptized as
a Catholic, and then, due to his parent's indecisiveness,
baptized in the Church of the Later Day Saints, also known as the Mormons.
He is confused about his standing in the Church and doesn't
really attend either church because he doesn't know which
one he is truly baptized in, and belongs to.
Any insight would be appreciated.
C, C, and C
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Since we have already made love, what's needed to be pure enough to be married in the Church? }
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Mary
Ann replied:
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Dear Confused, Concerned, and Confirmed,
You are biochemically and emotionally bonded to
your partner. This is very powerful.
The biochemical bond alone creates immune responses
and hormonal responses oriented to that partner that
bonds the couple. Emotionally, any breakup with one's
first love rips apart two people who are glued together
in a way, and harms the bond with any future mate.
You have not fully given yourselves to each other,
because you are not committing, and you are withholding
the power of life itself, as you must be contracepting.
Contraception makes the marital self-donation a lie
and sex outside of marriage makes sex a lie. It's
like saying:
I give myself to you, but just for now, with no
commitment.
A promise to commit later is not a commitment.
Now here are the big problems and dangers with this
arrangement:
- Number one: You are risking putting a helpless
child into this unstable and unsecured relationship.
All contraceptive methods fail. Believe me because
I have heard it many times in my work as a post-abortion
minister. As soon as a baby is involved, panic
and fear can take over.
If you are so scared of your parents to the point
that you are not living together, for fear they
will find out you are sleeping together, how do
you think you they will feel when the evidence
of pregnancy tells them you have been sleeping
together?
The first reaction is to destroy the evidence!
Especially when you have pro-life, moral parents,
upon whom you are dependent for college.
Then abortion brings a long train of serious suffering,
including the breakup of the relationship. Even
if you don't abort, and you keep the child, it
does not have the protection and security of a
marital nest.
- Number two: Contraception aborts. The pill and
the IUD cause abortions. You are losing your very
own children!
- Number three: Studies have shown that sex before
marriage raises the likelihood of divorce between
the two spouses.
So, if you love your own children, if you love yourself,
if you love your boyfriend, you will start living
chastely so as to protect your love and each other
from all this harm.
- Are they (your boyfriend, your children, and you) not worth it?
As for your boyfriend's religion, the Mormon baptism
is no Baptism. If he wishes to be Catholic,
he needs only to be instructed and to make a profession
of faith; then he can receive his other sacraments.
Mary Ann
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Mike
replied:
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Hi C, C, and C —
I just wanted to add to what my colleague Mary Ann
has said.
Mormons are not even Christian.
You said:
I would never dream of not having
a Catholic wedding, and he feels the same way.
If he feels that way: his parents ought to respect
his free will to make his own religious choices.
Children are not an extension of their parent's DNA.
Each child has their own DNA and, (once they are 18) their own free will.
You said:
I would never dream of not having a Catholic wedding,
and he feels the same way.
Then both of you should consider buying a cheap copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
You could both study and read together!
On the purity and chastity issues, check out this
posting below.
I hope this helps,
Mike
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John
replied:
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C, C, and C —
Your boyfriend will have to be received back
into the Church, even if only through a profession
of faith, and then the sacrament of Confession will
prepare him for the sacrament of Confirmation and
the Eucharist.
If he left the faith knowing it was
true, that would have to be confessed but, as an
uncatechized child, that would hardly have been possible.
Both you and your boyfriend need to repent of
having sex outside of marriage and need to cease
having sex until your are married; least you continue
in the sin of fornication.
Both need to confess this
sin at the earliest possible occasion.
John
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