Martin,

Thanks for your question. I empathize with your difficult situation and I commend you for not imposing yourself on your wife — that is a meritorious act of love.

The priests who said:
. . . my situation probably isn't a serious sin and that I could make a good act of contrition without going to Confession.

have done you a grave disservice and have betrayed Catholic teaching. Masturbation is a grave sin, and when committed deliberately — with full consent of the will — it is a mortal sin that causes you to lose the grace of salvation. It may be, in your case, there are elements that make it less than full consent, but it should always be treated as something to avoid with all your strength and which merits Confession when committed. The Catechism is worth reading on this point:

• II. The Vocation to Chastity

Read the whole page, but especially the sections on chastity, self-mastery, and masturbation and heavens, find a priest who is faithful to the Catholic faith.

I'm not entirely clear on what you mean by solution 1, but to be clear, self-mutilation, in a literal sense, would be contrary to Church teaching. Nevertheless, I know this sin seems impossible to conquer right now. I know you feel desperate and helpless and feel enormous pressure to satisfy your desires but I assure you, that given time and not a little bit of valor, living a life of abstinence is well within the grasp of any man. You are not the only one in a situation like this and it is possible to be chaste. Not easy, to be sure, not simple, with its share of ups and downs, but it gets easier over time. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. It seems insurmountable now but it won't seem so bad later.

This is a challenge that the Lord has given you to draw you closer to Him. The struggle with chastity is a great proving ground for faith. It allows you to learn dependence on God and reliance on His grace. It allows you to strengthen your will and train yourself in the way of righteousness. As St. Paul says, athletes deny themselves all sorts of things to win the prize. (1 Corinthians 9:24-25) Run as though to win. Look at yourself as a martyr for chastity — you die to yourself, to your own will and desires, for the sake of the Gospel. Also remember this is a spiritual battle — satan wants your soul and you have to be more determined to be saved, than he is determined to get you damned. It is a battle and you must be man enough to fight it. Take courage and don't be afraid — God is with you. Ask for the Holy Spirit's help. Seek the Blessed Mother's intercession. Do not give up! Remember it is not the soldier who never falls who is honored, but the one who gets up and fights again.

This will help you love God more and more deeply and be strengthened in your faith. Like gold being refined seven times, you are being refined in the fire. Submit to the refinement, surrender yourself totally to God and rely on him with every fiber of your being.

Eric

Martin,

You said:
I've read the Catechism and, as on many issues, it's pretty black and white, not much elaboration on things that might be gray. That's why I consulted several priests. I don't think they could all have done you [and me] a grave disservice and have betrayed Catholic teaching.

I rechecked what you said those priests said:
. . . my situation probably isn't a serious sin and that I could make a good act of contrition without going to Confession.

I should have been nuanced in my response, so let me clarify. It is possible to interpret this in a manner consistent with Catholic teaching, if by my situation is meant some sort of habit or compulsion, and if by serious sin is meant a commission of an objectively grave sin which is subjectively venial. In this case, it is generally good practice to go to Confession anyway, since it is hard sometimes to discern when full consent of the will happens, and since there is grace in the sacrament for avoiding it in the future.

If by my situation is meant being deprived of an outlet for sexual release, I do not agree that this makes this sin not a serious sin. This sin is always and objectively gravely sinful but, while masturbation is always of its nature gravely sinful, as I've noted, depending on your state of mind at the time, a particular commission of it may not meet the condition for a mortal sin.

You said:
Apart from my own hang-up, the medical profession widely acclaims masturbation to be an important aid to preventing prostate cancer. And all surveys since Kinsey have shown, essentially, that 99% of men masturbate and 1 % are liars.

That may be so (or it could be one of these scientific findings that, like many, turn out to be proven wrong in ten years), but it is never permissible to do evil that good may result. Look at it this way:

If you succeed at abstaining from levels of masturbation that would prevent prostate cancer, and get cancer, you will receive much more eternal glory that lasts much longer and is worth much more than your remaining days on earth.

You said:
Notwithstanding, I certainly take your point that, This is a challenge that the Lord has given you to draw you closer to Him.

As I'm sure you are aware, the Church has active theological studies currently underway on this matter, reexamining forbiddance for instances not involving procreation.

This is an urban myth. If someone claims there is such a study — and I mean a study that could actually influence Magisterial teaching, not some disaffected group of dissident academics —
I challenge them to identify it and produce the evidence. The Church's teaching on human sexuality is infallible and irreformable, so it would not be possible to reverse it.

Eric

Martin,

Let's look at the logic of the two claims here:

• One the claim that masturbation is an important aid in preventing prostate cancer.
• The second is that 99% of men masturbate and 1% lie
  (actually I think Kinsey had the numbers at 97% and 3%, but no matter).

Logic dictates that if both these claims are true, prostate cancer should be extremely rare!
Since that's not case, one of these claims — probably the former — isn't true.

That leaves us with masturbation being very common. Well, that may be true, but it doesn't make it morally correct, similar to a sterile act which is purely selfish. It involves fantasy and objectification of (another person|other people). While it could be called the common cold of sins, it remains a moral disorder because of its intrinsically selfish nature.

John

Hi, Martin —

Just my quick two cents on this. The dogma of infallibility is not simply canon law, but the official teaching of the Church authoritatively extrapolated from the Word of God.

You are correct in asserting that not everything a pope writes in an encyclical is infallible, but, more narrowly, when the Magisterium (the pope [and/or] a bishop in union with him) teaches on a matter of faith or morals, that is, a universal teaching of the Church, not just a local discipline or custom, he is speaking infallible truths.

These infallible truths are summarized in the Catechism, which:

• include all the Church's teachings on sexuality, and
• can grow through time, but never change.

For example, in-vitro fertilization did not exist before the 1970's, but the Church may apply her principle that sexual love can never separate its unitive and procreative dimensions without it being a sin of selfishness. Hence in-vitro fertilization is wrong.

Peace,

Paul