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Hi, Stephen —
Thanks for the question.
You said:
- Why was I asked
to go and no one else?
The importance of you to your cousin,
is indicated by her interest in asking
for you from her hospice. She
may have wanted to tell you something
specifically or just enjoyed your presence.
Nevertheless, the past is the past.
It can't be undone, so I wouldn't worry
about it.
You said:
- How do I relieve
this guilt for not going?
By going to Confession and talking
with a priest about the issue. Nevertheless, there is always a period of grief after a loved one passes from this life to the next; we all have to accept this.
Specifically ask him in Confession
to remove the guilt you are feeling
and to replace it with the joy your
cousin would want you have. If she
died in Christ in a state of grace, she
wants you happy, productive, and fruitful
within your family and always remember no matter what the spiritual state is when a person dies, the Mercy of God is always plentiful.
Plus, remember: your cousin is only
dead in the eyes of this earthly
world.
In reality, she is more alive then
any of us here on earth in Christ
Jesus, our Lord.
Most, if not many people who die
in this earthly world, die with remaining
self-love attached
to their soul. They are saved and
in Christ Jesus, but are purified
in the Holy, but painful, Hospital
of Heaven, we call Purgatory.
You said:
- How do I relieve this guilt for not going?
By praying for your cousin, that
any remaining self-love that is being
burned off in Purgatory is done quickly,
and remembering that your cousin
is still alive, not dead in Christ.
In turn, know that she is always
praying for you, because if she is
one with Christ, she is one with
all the virtues, in the absence
of all vices. For short, she wants
the best for you.
If you are interested, I have another
web site dedicated to the Holy Souls.
We are trying to start Purgatory
Prayer Programs across America. I
can send you our
FREE starter kit if you are interested.
You said:
- How do I help my
mother for her loss and my cousin
for her loss?
One of the most difficult things
a family member has to deal with
is keeping family cohesion within the
family. Sometimes, the best thing
to do is just apologize for past
behavior.
If another family member doesn't
seem interested in accepting your
apology, that's not your fault.
You've done your part; put the family
situation in prayer. All of
us have different:
- sets of emotions
- maturity levels
- educational and religious upbringings
- etc.
When dealing with difficult people,
a slogan my mom has passed to me
is:
Michael, Kill'em with kindness.
They are expecting resentment from
you, but if you respond with kindness
and bite your tongue
at times, for the sake of family
unity, things can sometimes work
out better.
Praying daily, like the Rosary, and
living a sacramental life in a state
of grace will remove any remaining
guilt over time.
You said:
Their grief should
be the same, or similar, but they
seem very different.
If some one is in pain
and they:
- die
- go with God, and
- are at peace . . .
- Why do we still
have to suffer beyond the actual
loss?
This double-talking
family B.S. of who is still
mad at who for not doing whatever
or for doing whatever they did, in
this time of sorrow, is getting to
me.
This isn't my expert area, just my
personal opinion.
I sense part of this has to do with
the faith foundation each individual
person has.
A person with no faith or a weak
faith, will tend to never envision
seeing their loved one again at the
Second Coming, while a person with
a stronger faith, will grieve, but
have hope because they know they
will see their loved one again.
I can't totally explain the grief
issue but maybe one of my colleagues
can.
Hope this helps,
Mike
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