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M. F.
wrote:
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Hi, guys —
Forgive me for even asking, but I'm sort of
shaken by what has happened recently. I am
another convert who has been Catholic for
two years after being a Pentecostal. I love
the Church and all the sacraments.
I have a close female friend who is desperate
for a husband, as many women get. She has
been out with the youth group of her parish
for about six months. At that time, a priest,
her age, initiated a friendly relationship
that involved:
- chatting — IM's (instant messaging)
- texting, and
- calling her phone.
The benign talk turned into flirting and she
fell in love with the priest. The talks became
more frequent and he shared some failures
in seminary involving women.
About two weeks
ago, while talking to him in the early hours of
the morning, he suggested that they have sex.
She was devastated. Her feelings were pure
and of love. She still has feelings for him
and now he says he didn't know what he was
saying; yeah right. I know they are both
culpable, but being her friend, I only
see one heart and it's hurting. The
priest is lucky I don't live in that area.
Being a Father figure for this girl, I would
have kicked his butt.
- Is there anything I should do to see that
this priest (I now use that term very
lightly) does not repeat this, as it
seems like normal behavior for him?
Souls will be lost because of him.
Best regards,
God Bless the work you do.
M. F.
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{
Is there anything I can do to ensure this priest does not repeat this scandalous, sexual behavior? }
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Paul
replied:
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Dear M. F.,
As I read your question I became
sad, as you are, about this painful
situation. Everything, beginning
with the IM's and texts, seemed inappropriate
from the start.
In my opinion, you should report
this to the local bishop. It's not
something to take lightly. As you
indicated, souls are at stake; and
the priest apparently was not ready
to take on the mantle of being a
priest.
Perhaps my colleagues will have another
opinion.
Paul
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John
replied:
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Hi, M. F. —
As a former minister (also Pentecostal)
I can tell you that women fall for
clerics all the time.
Many times it's married women. That's
why I had rules about when I would
talk to or counsel women and I would
never talk to them with the door
closed and without someone in the
outer office.
It is very easy to fall for someone,
especially if you are needy, lonely,
and you don't guard your heart. Obviously,
neither of them took precautions
and now they will have to deal with
the pain.
As for his suggestion, it was clearly
out of line. It would have been wrong
even if he wasn't a priest. As a
Catholic, he knows sex is reserved
for marriage but he is also a man,
just as she is a woman. We all sin
and fall short.
You should do nothing except to council
her, as a friend, about changing
the dynamic in this relationship.
She may have to completely end it
or at least stop seeing and talking
to him for while. The late night
conversations have got to go; they
never should have happened in the
first place. On top of everything
else, this guy is her priest. He
should know better then to allow
this girl to get so close as to fall
for him, or for him to fall for her.
It sounds like he has some issues
dealing with celibacy and chastity,
as most single men do.
That doesn't mean he is necessarily
a predator. I think you need to advise
her to at least stop seeing and talking
to him for a good long while. She
needs to get over him. The love she
feels for him is obviously not too
pure. It stems from her desperate (as
you put it) desire for a husband.
As for the priest, it's up to her
to decide whether to report him or
not. Your concern as a father figure
should be to teach her to guard her
heart.
John
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M.
F. replied:
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Hi guys,
Thank you so much for your input.
I really appreciate it.
May the Lord bless your work.
M.F.
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Paul
replied:
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M. F.,
You're welcome!
After reading my colleague John's
response to you and getting the reasons
why, I'm thinking that he may have
a good point in suggesting that, if
this priest is reported, it should
be by the woman herself who dealt
with him.
Thanks again for writing and for
your concern about this problem.
Paul
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M.
F. replied:
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Thanks.
If history is any example of things
to come, he is not done. What's
unfortunate is the souls and joy
that can be affected. He will someday
do this with a man's daughter
and there will be trouble.
I wish she would do something other
than cry about it but it doesn't
seem that way since his parish is
the only one reasonably close to
her.
She may return to the Orthodox
Church.
Thanks so much.
M. F.
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