Dear Ruth,

You can address the issue with them, politely.

You can let them know, how what they are doing affects you, but first, ask yourself:

• Just what it is that bothers you?

Mary Ann

Dear Ruth,

Very good question.

Know that you're not alone. I bet Jesus was also crushed emotionally by the rejection of His people and the abandonment of His friends on the way to the Cross, as well as on the Cross. We must remember that we are creatures with several layers to our being. Often, we feel pain of some kind or another in one layer of our being but peace on a deeper level.

Jesus had unimaginable pain and sorrow at one level but was at peace on a deeper level inasmuch as He knew He was doing the Father's will; and doing the Father's will is the most important thing.

In another example, Jesus wept in the midst of His friends at the death of Lazarus while fully realizing that Lazarus will rise, since Christ is the Resurrection and the Life.

I would say keep in mind a few things:

• Love means willing the good for another and forgiveness entails attempting to put aside vengeance and anger against someone in order to continue to will their good. This can take the shape of hoping (he|she) sees the error of (his|her) ways and repents of (his|her) injustice against you. It could include you leaving the situation you are in whenever necessary or possible.
  
  
• The good of the other does not preclude punishment for them or you seeking justice to rectify the unjust situation. You have a right to protect yourself, and to seek justice.
  
  
• Forgiveness does not necessarily mean a restoration of a friendship afterwards either. Sometimes it may not be practical or advisable. If the situation necessitates you to remain in their presence, then pray for the grace of perseverance and peace, while continuing to plant seeds of truth and love by your example and attitude, that you hope, with prayer, will grow in their hearts and minds.
  
  
• Lastly, I suggest talking to a friend, family member, priest or professional if you think it could be helpful to your spiritual life (and/or) protection; even Jesus had Simon helping Him carry His Cross.

Paul

Ruth —

I can hear the pain in your question — these people must have deeply hurt you. You are right,
it is indeed difficult to truly forgive. It goes against our fallen nature.

Your question is a profoundly pastoral one that would be better answered by a priest or other professional. We try to focus on more factual questions, but I have some insights.

First, Jesus said that we will be forgiven to the extent that we forgive. (Matthew 18:21-35)
We even pray it in the Lord's Prayer: Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. We can expect to receive no mercy from God if we extend no mercy to others.

Second, holding a grudge doesn't hurt the other person as much as it hurts us. Someone once defined holding a grudge as drinking poison expecting the other person to die.

Third, forgiveness is a form of non-judgmentalism, that is to say, we do not know the other person's heart, and so we cannot judge their true guilt or what they deserve in punishment.
What may seem to be a grave offense to us, may in fact, be a correct action on their part, based on what they know and their frame of reference. So we forgive to give that all up to God. God will repay justly, so have no fear that the person will get what they truly deserve, but this may not be what you think it is.

Finally, there are two forms of forgiveness:

1. One is what I'll call theological forgiveness, where you make an act of the will to extend mercy and withhold judgment, and the
2. Second is emotional forgiveness which is, not feeling hurt, not feeling animosity, experiencing total healing, and recovering from the injury.

These are very different and shouldn't be confused.

Unfortunately, I am not competent to help you further on this point. 

Again, I'd refer you to a priest.

Eric

You're welcome, Ruth.

Along with Eric and Mary Ann's comments, I hope my words helped.

If you have further questions for us, in the future, do not hesitate to write back.

Paul