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ScaredButHopeful
wrote:
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Hi, guys —
- How do I tell my parents I don't believe
in Catholicism anymore?
I am in my late 20's and was raised in the
Church, going to Catholic school, grades K
through 12.
My parents are devout Catholics and talk about
non-Catholics in a very demeaning and hateful
way. Questions I've brought up to them in
the past about the Church and Church teachings,
were met with a:
Because I said so. type of response, or a
That's just the way it is. That's
what we believe — end of story.
- How can I bring up an issue and engage
in an open-minded discussion with them?
I know my doubts will hurt their feelings
deeply, which is why I haven't brought it
up for years,
but I can't be silent anymore!
I'm scared they'll hate me and never talk
to me again.
ScaredButHopeful
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How do I talk to my devout Catholic parents concerning the doubts I have about Church teachings? }
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Mary
Ann replied:
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Dear ScaredButHopeful —
- Why do you need to tell them
anything?
- Why would you want to discuss
issues with them if they, and
you, would be upset, and/or
be unable to discuss charitably
and reasonably?
As you have seen, they are defensive
and/or unable to explain their faith.
Perhaps you are simply remembering
how they were when you were much
younger (and often kids can have
a lot of attitude when challenging
parents.)
In any case, it would be best if
both you and they knew the reason
for what you believe or disbelieve.
If you are truly following your rational
conscience (which tells you that
there is a God and a moral law, at
the very least), then you should
be at peace and not need to disturb
them.
If they ask you about your beliefs,
you should be able to explain them
simply and kindly, without attacking
their beliefs. They should act in
a similar manner if you ask them
about their beliefs.
- Or is it the case that you don't
have other beliefs, but simply
are anti-Catholic?
Mary Ann
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Eric
replied:
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ScaredButHopeful —
This is a sad situation. It looks
to me that your parents have not
lived out their faith in a genuine
manner but have maintained the external
trappings of the faith, setting a
very bad example and driving you
away. I suspect, my friend, that
it is not Catholicism you disbelieve,
but the grossly distorted caricature
of Catholicism you grew up with.
I invite you to spend some time with
genuine Catholics, withdrawing from
your parent's life of faith, perhaps
even from your parents, if warranted.
Look into what the Church is really
about rather than what you learned.
Catholicism is not about hatred of
anyone; it's about God loving us
so much, He died on the Cross so
we could be reconciled with the Father,
and He rose from the dead so we could
have New and Eternal life. God loves
you and does not want you to fear.
Jesus is gentle and humble of heart.
As for how to deal with your parents,
I don't have a lot of advice. It
is always hard for a child to dissent
from his parent's religious behavior
no matter what direction it's in;
exhorting them to live out their
faith, or telling them you are leaving
the Church. If you must confront
them, perhaps you might explain how
they set a bad example for you, tell
them you were scandalized, and say
now you are leaving the Church as
a result.
While I implore you to overlook their
infidelity to the faith and look
into authentic Catholicism,
if you must leave, it may shake them
out of their complacency and in effect
share with them how they are responsible.
I think they need to know for the
good of their own souls.
- Have you considered consulting
their priest on this issue and
on the other questions you have,
assuming you have some association
with him?
Eric
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