Dear Joan,

Based on your question, I don't think you or your fiancé understand how serious the Catholic Church takes the sacrament of marriage.

Most of the time, a Catholic parish is not:

• a hallway
• a music hall
• an auditorium
• a gym
• a beach, or
• anything else
  

Liturgical celebrations happen in a Catholic parish; it is a sacred place where Catholics receive sacramental or sanctifying grace. The importance, for a Catholic, of having a marriage in the Catholic Church is that a strong sacramental bond is made.

The sacraments of the Church are the dynamite that:

• remove our sins and sinful habits from our souls, through Confession
• guide us morally to make holy choices throughout the week, by receiving the Eucharist

and based on our vocation or calling in life, can sacramentally:

• bond us to our life-long (husband or wife), or
• bond us to Christ Himself in the sacrament of Holy Orders, (The Priesthood)
  

Marriage is a covenant or partnership of life between a man and woman, which is ordered to:

• the well-being of the spouses, and
• the procreation and upbringing of children.

When any man and any woman consent to each other before someone hearing their vows and are in the presence of two witnesses, the Church considers their marriage a valid (from God), natural marriage, but a not sacramental one.

What makes the Marriage a sacramental one is if both parties are baptized (e.g. two baptized Lutherans who marry in this way) even though they are not Catholic.

It's important to know that Catholics are bound by the obligation to be married before a priest or deacon (or have a dispensation from their bishop to not be) otherwise their Marriages are manifestly invalid because they did not follow the proper form.

Non-Catholics are not bound by proper form so almost all marriage ceremonies are valid ceremonies whether they be Jewish, Protestant, Muslim, Hindu, or atheists.

You wouldn't be able to have a non-Catholic ceremony performed by a non-Catholic minister in a Catholic Church because this would make a mockery of the sacrament of Matrimony as seen by the Church, especially seeing your fiancé doesn't practice the faith anymore or worst has repudiated it.

In my opinion, you and your fiancé should be focused on having a valid marriage in the Church by a Catholic priest rather than focusing on the beauty of any Catholic Church for one day.

Marriage in the Church will help both, you and your fiancé, through the tough times, as well as the good times in your life together.

The last thing you want is to be another divorce statistic!

If you are interested in having a sacramental marriage in the Church performed by a Catholic priest, I would recommend you and your fiancé make an appointment with the pastor or a priest at the parish to discuss all the issues involved in your current and future life together.

You said:
He is now a born-again Christian (non-denominational) and I'm a born-again Pentecostal (Assembly of God).

Every member of the Catholic Church is born again; we are born from above (this is what born again means) by the Holy Spirit at Baptism.

It sounds like your fiancé was never catechized very well in the faith. If he's interested in learning more about the true faith, (he was never properly taught), he should:

• consider buying a cheap copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and
• consider coming home.

Hope this helps,

Mike

Hi, Joan —

Sorry, the answer will be No to this request. Your fiancé is someone who we consider to be a Catholic since he was baptized a Catholic, but who has chosen not to be a practicing member of the Catholic Church. Allowing the non-Catholic Marriage to be held in the Church would send the wrong message to all of the friends and family, (i.e. the Church endorses this Marriage, which sadly She does not.)

Perhaps you and your fiancé are interested in exploring the Catholic faith — if so, we are very willing to help you find the right forum for that.

Mike's answer is fine but on a technicality: on rare occasions, Bishops sometimes open our Churches up in an Ecumenical way to non-Catholics (especially for Funerals), but the fact that he is a Catholic who is being married outside of the Church makes this a no way situation.

I hope this is helpful,

Fr. Jonathan

Hi, Joan —

Let me chip in a few thoughts from your reply below.

You said:

1. Catholics, Protestants, the Orthodox, etc.:
   
   We are all God's children. We are not some strange sect that believes something totally different aka Jehovah's Witnesses or the Mormons. We all believe in:
   • the same Jesus Christ
   • Who He is
   • What He stands for, and
   • What He did on The Cross for us.

You're overlooking some of the vital issues that separate us:

• the value of life e.g. abortion
• the value of traditional marriage and discouragement of same-sex unions which destroy family culture.
• some of the basic creeds of the faith like:
  
  • the importance of the sacraments, like Confession
  • what the Eucharist is, and
  • the importance of a valid priesthood.
    

You said:

• If my fiancé and I had lied, which we would not do, and said (we/he) (were/was) Catholic, would we have been allowed to marry in a Catholic Church?

• Can we have a non-Catholic ceremony performed by a non-Catholic minister in a Catholic Church?

This is different than asking whether a non-Catholic can get married in the Catholic Church.
<The answer being, Yes!> Again, the Church takes the sacrament of marriage very seriously, because Jesus took it very seriously.

A non-Catholic can marry a Catholic in the Church but the non-Catholic has to understand and accept the purposes of marriage:

• the (spiritual and physical) well-being of the spouses, and
• the procreation and upbringing of children where:
  • the non-Catholic spouse agrees not to interfere with the Catholic spouse's obligation to raise their children Catholic.

They also have to get a dispensation from the local bishop. But there's another problem: your fiancé doesn't seem interested in practicing the faith any more.

• Why would the Church allow couples to marry in the Church, if She knew their was no good hope that the children would be raised Catholic?

That would be a public scandalous for the Church!

It's like telling the Baptists that you wish to get married in their congregation and know that you will be allowed to raise your children Catholic. It would make no sense.

On the behavior of the other couples and priests you referred to, the Church doesn't condone any scandalous behavior on the part of the members of Her Church, whether they are parishioners or clergy. The individual Catholic has the choice to grow in grace, or not; the Church doesn't force it down their throat.

We should all keep in mind our own individual, Particular Judgment and we should focus on our own grown in holiness and the faith before we start looking at others. If we compare our situation to other scandalous examples and use their example as the standard; our basis for Christian morality will be way off!

• . . . and since Jesus is The Ultimate Judge, what if the basis of our morality was on a group of people who were judged not worthy of Heaven?
• What would our excuse be?

Hope my feedback helps.

Mike