Hi, guys —

My wife and I have been married for over 20 years. We have four beautiful children but now, at ages 46 and 43, she wants another one. Our marriage has been difficult as of late — a year ago I learned she had a 4-year affair with a woman, yet despite my pleas, this other person remains in her life and in her circle of friends — although she claims they are just friends now.

Also, due to medical complications with a previous pregnancy, she lost both tubes and to get pregnant we must go to a fertility clinic. For the past 9 months she has been on the path to have another child. I don't think it's an attempt to save our marriage but rather because she simply wants another baby.

As we argued about having another one, she has repeatedly said that if I refused her and did not participate in this, it was of no consequence to her. She would go forward anyway and get a sperm donor. She is serious. She has argued it's my Catholic responsibility to expand our family.

I argue this is akin to adultery — having a child with a sperm donor. It makes me feel as if I am inconsequential in her life anymore and makes me feel as if I'm reduced to a sperm donor, myself. Furthermore — with this other person still in her life — I'm so afraid she will divorce me afterwards, and go off with this other person to raise this child. My marriage is in such a troubled state, let alone this baby situation.

I am so on the fence whether to divorce or not because to me to keep this other person in her life is still a form of adultery. And then to add on it all — she will go to a sperm donor if I refuse to have another child with her. I have never felt so lost in my life as I do now. I pray to God every day for guidance. I simply do not know what to do or where to go for help, guidance, or how the Church may view this entire situation.

• Please, can you give me any guidance and a word on how the Church may view this entire situation?
  

I simply do not know which way to turn. I am lost.

God Bless and thank you.

Jeremy