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Dear Confused,
There are probably certain nuances missing from your question, so I would highly recommend you talk to a Catholic priest about your situation. We are not priests nor counselors, so that would be the best way to get the best answer. You're asking a question that has nothing directly to do with issues of faith, morals, or the teachings of the Church but what the Church calls pastoral guidance. This is why you should talk to a priest. Nevertheless, I'll give you my opinion.
You're well past the age where you are responsible for your own decisions and choices.
I strongly admire your decision to live separate from any future spouse until you are married; this is the Christian norm for all dating, as we should not seriously date people that we wouldn't consider marrying.
Whether for economic reasons or not, you have decided not to "fly the coop" but remain at home with your parents. For that reason, like my father told us and the brother told his children,
"If you live under my roof, you have to obey my rules."
In addition, we also have to honor our father and mother like the 4th commandment tells us.
You said:
My parents have a very tight grip on my life and the decisions I make. This even includes where
I go out, who I socialize with, and who I date.
- Do I have a moral right to make my own personal decisions, despite residing at home?
Under the paragraph titled "the duty of parents" the Catechism tells us the following:
2230 When they become adults, children have the right and duty to choose their profession and state of life. They should assume their new responsibilities within a trusting relationship with their parents, willingly asking and receiving their advice and counsel. Parents should be careful not to exert pressure on their children either in the choice of a profession or in that of a spouse. This necessary restraint does not prevent them - quite the contrary from giving their children judicious advice, particularly when they are planning to start a family.
2231 Some forgo marriage in order to care for their parents or brothers and sisters, to give themselves more completely to a profession, or to serve other honorable ends. They can contribute greatly to the good of the human family.
It's pretty clear that your parents, though well intended I'm sure, are "exert[ing] pressure" in areas they should not be, but you decided to accept this when you decided to stay and live at home.
Although certain parents may appear to us to be overbearing, or over-religious, the one thing we have to keep in mind is that the majority of parents have good hearts and only want what's best for us.
If you haven't, I would develop a prayer life; my preference is the Rosary because of its divine power.
Ask the Lord to help you find a job where you can support yourself (e.g. like living in your own apartment) and ask Him to discern a life-long [male|female] partner for you; one that you can regularly bond with and build a Catholic family on. Finally, pray for spiritual strengthen. Most of us were created to raise a family for the next generation of Christians, but in the interim, when living alone, there can be temptations that can lead us astray, especially with the advent of the web. That's why living the sacramental life of the Church, or at minimum, having a daily prayer life, is so important. Don't accept the lie, that immoral behavior is OK because everyone does it.
The Early Church Fathers certainly didn't comprise on their Catholic Christian principles so you shouldn't either.
I hope this helps,
Mike
I've included the whole paragraph from the Catechism of the Catholic Church on "the duty of parents" below.
the duty of parents
2221 The fecundity of conjugal love cannot be reduced solely to the procreation of children, but must extend to their moral education and their spiritual formation. "The role of parents in education is of such importance that it is almost impossible to provide an adequate substitute." (Vatican II, Gravissimum Educationis 3) The right and the duty of parents to educate their children are primordial and inalienable. (cf. Pope John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio 36)
2222 Parents must regard their children as children of God and respect them as human persons. Showing themselves obedient to the will of the Father in heaven, they educate their children to fulfill God's law.
2223 Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service are the rule. The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery - the preconditions of all true freedom. Parents should teach their children to subordinate the "material and instinctual dimensions to interior and spiritual ones." (Pope John Paul II, Centesimus Annus 36 § 2) Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children. By knowing how to acknowledge their own failings to their children, parents will be better able to guide and correct them:
He who loves his son will not spare the rod. . . . He who disciplines his son will profit by him. (Sirach 30:1–2)
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)
2224 The home is the natural environment for initiating a human being into solidarity and communal responsibilities. Parents should teach children to avoid the compromising and degrading influences which threaten human societies.
2225 Through the grace of the sacrament of marriage, parents receive the responsibility and privilege of evangelizing their children. Parents should initiate their children at an early age into the mysteries of the faith of which they are the "first heralds" for their children. They should associate them from their tenderest years with the life of the Church. (Vatican II, Lumen Gentium 11 § 2) A wholesome family life can foster interior dispositions that are a genuine preparation for a living faith and remain a support for it throughout one's life.
2226 Education in the faith by the parents should begin in the child's earliest years. This already happens when family members help one another to grow in faith by the witness of a Christian life in keeping with the Gospel. Family catechesis precedes, accompanies, and enriches other forms of instruction in the faith. Parents have the mission of teaching their children to pray and to discover their vocation as children of God. (cf. Vatican II, Lumen Gentium 11) The parish is the Eucharistic community and the heart of the liturgical life of Christian families; it is a privileged place for the catechesis of children and parents.
2227 Children in turn contribute to the growth in holiness of their parents. (cf. Vatican II, Gaudium et spes 48 § 4) Each and everyone should be generous and tireless in forgiving one another for offenses, quarrels, injustices, and neglect. Mutual affection suggests this. The charity of Christ demands it. (cf. Matthew 18:21–22; Luke 17:4)
2228 Parents' respect and affection are expressed by the care and attention they devote to bringing up their young children and providing for their physical and spiritual needs. As the children grow up, the same respect and devotion lead parents to educate them in the right use of their reason and freedom.
2229 As those first responsible for the education of their children, parents have the right to choose a school for them which corresponds to their own convictions. This right is fundamental. As far as possible parents have the duty of choosing schools that will best help them in their task as Christian educators. (cf. Vatican II, Gravissimum Educationis 6) Public authorities have the duty of guaranteeing this parental right and of ensuring the concrete conditions for its exercise.
2230 When they become adults, children have the right and duty to choose their profession and state of life. They should assume their new responsibilities within a trusting relationship with their parents, willingly asking and receiving their advice and counsel. Parents should be careful not to exert pressure on their children either in the choice of a profession or in that of a spouse. This necessary restraint does not prevent them - quite the contrary from giving their children judicious advice, particularly when they are planning to start a family.
2231 Some forgo marriage in order to care for their parents or brothers and sisters, to give themselves more completely to a profession, or to serve other honorable ends. They can contribute greatly to the good of the human family. |
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