Hi, Tad —
Thanks for the question.
I want to first share with you some of the foundations for: What faith is from the Catechism:
III. The Characteristics Of Faith.
As my colleague Paul said in another answer:
Faith is what we need to believe and morals are how we are to live. It relates to the two powers of the soul — intellect and will.
Given what the Catechism says and your question, your desire to believe requires prayer and asking the Holy Spirit to help you believe. (CCC 154)
Thoughts where you worry about death or question whether Heaven exist come from the demonic ones. Heaven is real and does exist. Our Lord tells us as much in the Scriptures and through His Church today.
Every person is made for a specific purpose and vocation in life — that include you too!
Our job is:
- to discern our own vocation
- fulfill it the best we can, and
- not be obsessively concerned about our particular judgment at the end of our earthly life.
I would recommend praying the Rosary on a daily basis and asking Our Lord, Our Blessed Mother, and similar saints who have had similar struggles, to pray for you and guide you appropriately.
I hope this helps,
Mike
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