Bringing you the "Good News" of Jesus Christ and His Church While PROMOTING CATHOLIC Apologetic Support groups loyal to the Holy Father and Church's magisterium
Home About
AskACatholic.com		 What's New? Resources The Church Family Life Mass and
Adoration		 Ask A Catholic
Knowledge base
AskACatholic Disclaimer
Search the
AskACatholic Database
Donate and
Support our work
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
New Questions
Cool Catholic Videos
About Saints
Disciplines and Practices for distinct Church seasons
Purgatory and Indulgences
About the Holy Mass
About Mary
Searching and Confused
Contemplating becoming a Catholic or Coming home
Homosexual and Gender Issues
Life, Dating, and Family
back
No Salvation Outside the Church
Sacred Scripture
non-Catholic Cults
Justification and Salvation
The Pope and Papacy
The Sacraments
Relationships and Marriage situations
Specific people, organizations and events
Doctrine and Teachings
Specific Practices
Church Internals
Church History

ConfusedButDesiring Debra wrote:

Hi, guys —

Thank you for this opportunity. I have been having a hard time moving on from a situation.

A year ago, I met a man who is in seminary. As soon as I felt attracted to him I prayed to God that I would not develop feelings for him. Clearly in my heart, I felt I should not be doing things just to be around him, but that I shouldn't avoid doing things in my parish just because he was there.

I was completely respectful of his vocation and did not initiate any conversations. He, on the other hand, would literally follow me around, always start conversations, share very personal stories, talk to me about God in a very romantic manner and always point out romantic situations around us. So, I did develop feelings, but kept to myself and did not show them.

I was in a time of deep prayer and in a state of grace. I would pray and I would get what I thought were signs, like 1. him showing up to adoration when I was there or 2. him sitting outside his home when I drove by, 3. Bible passages that seemed to be meant for me and be an answer or 4. him having dinner at my neighbor's house when I sat outside on my deck begging God for clarity as well as some other things.

We became friends during his summer stay at our parish but when it was time to go, he never responded to my text wishing him well and safe travels. We did not communicate again. It is summer again and he has come to our parish twice and it is awkward.

I have prayed and prayed for clarity, saying novenas, Rosaries, etc. all along asking God to help me move on, or for a sign that helps me understand God's will in all this but, I have no clarity. The desires of my heart for a holy man are so strong, I can't help but think of this particular man. My love for him is steady, if not growing.

  • Does God help us In these matters?
  • Am I not hearing Him?
  • Does God not remove these feelings for a reason?
  • Does God talk to us through our feelings?
  • Why am I not receiving any clarity by my prayers?

I accept and desire God's Will but am having a hard time discerning and knowing what it is.

Thank you!

Debra
  { Does God help us in our very personal relationships and does God talk to us through our feelings? }

Bob replied:

Debra,

Thanks for your question.

A saying came to mind, but I may mess it up a little:

If a man loves you he'll treat you accordingly and you will know, if he doesn't, you'll be confused.

  • Let's step away from the God question; do you feel confused?

Chances are he doesn't love you. He loves you only as a good friend, some one he felt safe with sharing intimate thoughts and feelings. If he is really feeling called to the priesthood, he will have to learn to reel that back in, because that can lead to dangerous compromises of his vows. If you see him behaving (distancing) that way, he may have already figured that out.

I would simply let go and let God lead your life. God doesn't control your feelings, you do, with a bit of help, of course, from nature. Love is also a choice. Sometimes you have to choose to let feelings go.

I could be wrong and your friend could have an epiphany and realize he doesn't have a calling and then will show up with flowers at your door . . . or not. Just move on anyway and God will eventually take care of you in a very explicit way (and that could be something you can't even imagine); right now He is teaching you how to trust Him.

Peace,

Bob Kirby

Debra replied:

Wow!

What a beautiful and loving answer that has moved me to tears.

May you all be so blessed for this wonderful ministry you give yourselves to. No doubt it is from the Holy Spirit . . . learning to truly and completely trust in the Lord is what has come up in prayer every time.

I wish I could give you a big hug!

Thank you!!

Debra
Please report any and all typos or grammatical errors.
Suggestions for this web page and the web site can be sent to Mike Humphrey
© 2012 Panoramic Sites
The Early Church Fathers Church Fathers on the Primacy of Peter. The Early Church Fathers on the Catholic Church and the term Catholic. The Early Church Fathers on the importance of the Roman Catholic Church centered in Rome.