Thanks for the question.
I think you already know the answer to this.
Your Deacon is more concerned with appearances than holiness; Jesus had a word for that.
You should refrain from Communion if you are not in the state of grace, lest you commit sacrilege. Your Deacon will also incur the guilt for anyone who follows his advice while in this state. Listen to your conscience, you did the right thing in writing to us.
Whenever you have a doubt about something, do your own homework or reach out for help, but whatever you do, find what the Church authentically teaches.