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Anonymous Jeff wrote:

Hi, guys —

My wife and I are both seniors.

  • What kind of sex is permitted and not permitted in our marriage?, and
  • Is fantasizing about having sex with another individual the only mortal sin one can commit?

Anonymous Jeff

  { Given we are both seniors, what kind of sex is permitted, and not permitted, in our marriage? }

Bob replied:

Dear Jeff,

Thanks for the question.

I'm not sure what you mean. You said:

  • What kind of sex is permitted and not permitted in our marriage?

The basic teaching on sex is simply:

A husband and wife share intimate relations that are both unifying and open to life.

That means it is a truly bonding experience and one that does not thwart or disfigure the act so stimulation should lead to coitus and ejaculation in that act, not during some other stimulation that is not part of coitus (no need to elaborate).

  • Is there something more specific you need to know?

As far as the fantasy goes, Jesus said that to look at another lustfully is to commit adultery so indulging your imagination in that act can also take you over the edge.

It's one thing to have the thought cross your mind, but another to embrace it and indulge in it.

I would not want to appear before Jesus with unconfessed adultery on my conscience so I suggest a good examination of conscience will determine if you did this knowingly and willfully (which is usually the case with fantasy). If this has happened, bring it to Confession. Mortal sin typically involves full knowledge of the wrong, so if you were ignorant, it may not have been a mortal sin, but you know now, so there is no excuse.

Lastly, Sex is not meant to be about the rules, but about the gift God has given to a husband and wife for the sake of creating families and a lifelong bond of marital fidelity.

When you live your marital vocation well, sex will be a holy and life-giving event, much like Communion when we receive Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. When you reach out to your wife, ask God to bless your relations (even if only in your mind), and ask Him that you may be a blessing to her: that you should seek to satisfy her desire for all she needs as a wife and woman; to make her feel well taken care of.

If you keep your focus on her, and not yourself, you will do well.

Peace,

Bob Kirby

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