Dear Franklin,

Thanks for the question.  

I understand your frustration and sense of unfairness at the seeming double standard that has played out in the lives of your loved ones.  The problem we face is a very human attempt to be true to the standards God has given us.  We have failures in ourselves to uphold his law, and the Church also has failures in its judgements and responses to married people’s shortcomings. (Some would say that it is too soft and undermines the permanence of marriage.) The problem is we are all sinners.  That being said, the Church has established norms to regulate the implementation of the moral law as best as it can, and the norms have both an internal and external logic.  That doesn't mean the human response to those norms is always perfect.  Likewise, the nuances of every individual case are difficult to adjudicate within the very limited resources of any given tribunal, and that is why they often take so long to solve.  Still, above all this God sees clearly the “truth”, and yet He lets us flounder in our injustices and errors—for whatever reason He has.  He could somehow break through the time space barrier and make it all perfect, but for some reason He lets the imperfections play out.  Maybe this is God’s way of challenging, testing and honing us.  He often lets us suffer because He knows the good that will come from it.  There is also the chance that we are mistaken, and God knows it and has given us a chance to rethink, or repent.  Only God knows the truth perfectly; we must bear with the imperfect.

So, you must be forgiving to the Institutional Church as you would to any other human being. Those prelates are not perfect, as we are not.  Holding a grudge against the Church is a way of holding an implicit grudge against God.  God chose to make His Church with very imperfect people, and He ultimately is in control and has final authority in letting all these matters play out.  In the end we bring our hearts directly to Him and implore his mercy over and over, like the persistent widow before the judge.  God loves us so much and knows what He is doing.  That’s right, what HE is doing.  I often get insanely upset with the hierarchy of the Church that does so many things to scandalize and undermine the faith, the faithful, the world and God Himself, and yet I remind myself that He is in control.  None of these evil things could happen if He didn't permit it, for some reason that only He knows.  It’s the same thing in both scenarios.  We have to trust God.  He is the one we bring everything to in prayer and forgive all the peons below.

Peace,