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Teddy,
You have an extraordinarily bitter view of life.
Despite many sufferings I've experienced in this life, I am quite overjoyed to exist and I happily accept all the sufferings that God sends me, because I know that he never allows a suffering that he cannot bring a greater good out of, and that "all things work for good for those who love Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:28). In fact, I thank God each day for all the sufferings he sends me in my daily prayer rule.
Right now, we are in a war zone between God and Satan. St. John Chrysostom believed that God could use the devil's actions to ultimately serve his purpose, much like a surgeon uses tools to heal, even if those tools can cause harm. It is Satan that is the source of suffering, not God; God allows it, because he can use it to sanctify his saints and perfect them.
When you break a leg, the physician has to cause great pain in order to set the leg. Sometimes if it has set wrong, he has to break it again to set it properly. The pain ultimately serves the good of healing.
So it is with suffering.
Consider Christ on the Cross. God the Son Himself, on the Cross, experienced more suffering than any other human being experienced, and by doing so, He saved the world and showed us the great depths of His love.
You and I are not God. We are not privy to God's plan and why He does what he does; that makes about as much sense as an "ant" understanding what an entomologist's plan is in studying them.
- Have you ever seen a tapestry?
It's all ugly and nonsensical on one side due to the weaving, but the front side is beautiful. God is weaving a beautiful tapestry, and each of our lives are the threads. We only see the back side now.
You say you think God "cares more about evil than love". You seem to think that no good can come out of suffering, and you seem to have an odd definition of love.
- Does a parent not suffer in loving their children?
- Does love not involve sacrifice?
Consider a child who wants ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and throws a tantrum when their mother refuses. That mother is loving the child, but the child is suffering; or, consider a child getting a vaccination. Even more clearly, the child is suffering, and doesn't understand why, but still the parent is loving them. They are doing what they are doing for their child's own good.
Scripture says,
| “More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:3–5, NRSVCE or RSV2CE) |
I rejoice in my sufferings, as great as they are, because through them I know God loves me. St. Teresa of Calcutta used to say,
| “Pain and suffering have come into your life, but remember pain, sorrow, suffering are but the kiss of Jesus—a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you.” |
Suffering purifies us and helps us grow in virtue.
I dispute your assertion that "Nothing will ever make up for what he has done to us."
Scripture says, “I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” (Romans 8:18, NRSVCE or RSV2CE)
When they enter the glory Heaven, and ten thousand years after that, the just will care no more about their sufferings.
St Augustine said,
| "Let us understand that God is a physician, and that suffering is a medicine for salvation, not a punishment for damnation." |
God administers what we need in order to be saved, if we let Him. St. Catherine of Genoa said,
| "To attain union with God, all the adversities that He sends us are necessary; for His only aim is to consume all our evil inclinations from within and from without. Therefore, slights, injuries, insults, infirmities, poverty, abandonment by friends and relatives, humiliations, temptations of the devil and many other things opposed to our human nature—all are extremely needed by us, that we may fight until by means of victories we have extirpated all our evil inclinations, so that we may feel them no longer. Nay more, until all adversities no longer seem bitter to us, but rather sweet for God, we shall never arrive at the divine union." |
St. Anthony the Great (Wikipedia) said,
| "A truly intelligent man has only one care—wholeheartedly to obey Almighty God and to please Him. The one and only thing he teaches his soul is how best to do things agreeable to God, thanking Him for His merciful Providence in whatever may happen in his life. For just as it would be unseemly not to thank physicians for curing our body, even when they give us bitter and unpleasant remedies, so too would it be to remain ungrateful to God for things that appear to us painful, failing to understand that everything happens through His Providence for our good. In this understanding and this faith in God lie salvation and peace of soul." |
You are like a frightened child who refuses to trust the physician to get his vaccination. Or the patient who refuses to see the dentist. You are fleeing the One who can heal you.
You have a choice to make. You can continue to drink the poison you've made for yourself and be bitter and unhappy, for all eternity, and it won't do you a lick of good, because there is nothing you can do to alter your existence. Or, you can humble yourself before God, crying out to Him, and acknowledge He is good and knows better than you know, and submit yourself to His will, to whatever circumstances He sees fit to send you to heal you and make you happy, because ultimately that is what God wants for you — to make you happy.
"The glory of God is man fully alive", as St. Irenaeus said in the 2nd century.
God wants us to be alive, to enjoy being alive, to revel in being alive, and to be happy. It is up to you whether you choose that way of life, or Satan's path of frustration and emptiness.
Ultimately, it boils down to trust:
“Accept whatever is brought upon you, and endure it in sorrow; in changes that humble you be patient. For gold and silver are tested in the fire, and acceptable men in the furnace of humiliation. Trust in God, and he will help you; hope in him, and he will make your ways straight. Stay in fear of him, and grow old in him.”
(Sirach 2:4–6, NRSVCE or RSV2CE) |
Eric
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