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SpirituallyLacking Larry
wrote:
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Hello,
I have a difficult question about a priest
and the relationship he has with my wife.
We are both Catholic. My wife is from Vietnam
and we married 10 years ago. Several months
ago, we moved to a new city and she met a
Catholic priest who was also Vietnamese. We
invited him for dinner often for his native
food and soon we began some light, friendly
gambling.
Subsequently, he began bringing
alcohol.
Soon, the nights began getting longer and
more frequent. My job requires me to work
evenings and I began to hear that she was
taking my two children: ages four and nine to this
priest's house to watch movies. I didn't
think much of it until my oldest child informed
me that he wasn't sure what they were doing
because they were locked in his bedroom watching
movies.
I felt this was inappropriate and I approached
the priest and asked him why they were locked
in the room. He responded that it was my
wife's idea so the children wouldn't bother
them. I told him I was uncomfortable with
the amount of private time they needed together
especially as my wife was continuing to become
more distant towards me. I also shared with
him some private relationship issues that
seem to have made it back to my wife.
Now when he visits, he and my wife always
sit very close and appear to be constantly
flirting and spending even more time together.
I approached my wife on the subject and she
became furious. In any case, they still flirt
like teenagers unless there is other company
in the house; then they both put some distance
between themselves.
I have spoken with the priest twice about this but to
no avail, other than my wife gets more distant
with me after I speak with him. I don't feel
like he is interested in my spiritual well
being but I don't know what I should do.
- Is there any advice you can give me?
Thank You,
Larry
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{
Can you provide any advice on a scandalous relationship involving my wife and a priest? }
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Mary
Ann replied:
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Dear Larry —
This relationship is, at the very
least, an occasion of sin for both
your wife and the priest.
You must ask your wife and the priest
to stay away from each other and
you must find a new parish.
You should
also meet with your bishop. He is
the spiritual guide, father, and
superior of the priest.
Mary Ann
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Mike
replied:
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Dear Larry —
This is truly scandalous behavior
on the part of this priest and you
have the obligation to your wife
and family to report it to the local
bishop immediately.
If he does not respond appropriately,
write immediately to the Vatican.
Here is my Vatican
mailing address page.
Hope this helps. You have to act.
Mike
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Larry
replied:
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Hi, Mary Ann —
Hi, Mike —
Thank You for the input.
Since my last e-mail, I made the
difficult decision to discuss this
with my wife. She insisted they are
just friends and that I am just a
jealous husband. She said if I don't
trust her, she wants a divorce and
we can just go our separate ways.
She later backed off on this, but
her actions prompted me to find out
for sure so I placed a voice recorder
in her room, as well as mine, to
listen in, and found out they have
constant whispered conversations
all day while I'm at work and even
when I'm in the shower. I sent these
recordings off to be translated and
transcribed. I plan to take these,
along with everything I can testify
to, to the Bishop of Idaho and insist
that this priest be removed immediately from
our [parish|city]. I really want
to confront him on this but plan to gather
my strength and evidence first, so
I can do what's best for my family.
If you can assist me in how to contact
Bishop Driscoll in the Boise Diocese
I would greatly appreciate this.
Regards,
Larry
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Mike
replied:
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Hi, Larry —
For any information about any diocese, this is a great resource
by Dave Cheney:
Here is the web page for:
I recommend you address this issue directly to Bishop Christensen.
If you need to go through an advisory
council, here is a
link to their page.
I will keep your situation in my
prayers.
Mike
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Larry
replied:
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Hello Mike,
I thought I would update you on what
has happened so far.
I recorded my wife talking in her
native tongue to someone while I
was in the shower, at work, and after
she said she was really tired and
went to bed.
I took the recordings and had them
translated and it turns out she was
addressing the priest:
hello lover. They contained
long flirty conversations; the type
that the [translator/linguist] said
would be between a woman and her
boyfriend; not a wife and her husband.
I confronted my wife with this and
she laughed and said it was nothing.
I placed a call to the Bishop and
he confronted the Father about this.
The Father swore on his life that
the relationship wasn't sexual and
he had no idea he was causing this
problem. The Bishop had him call
my wife to tell her that he could no
longer be her friend and that he was not
to be around my wife or family any more.
Since then, my wife has not spoken
to me and treats me like it was all
my fault.
I know I am still angry and hurt
by my wife's and the priest's betrayal
but I have written my wife a note
in hopes to reconcile for ours and
our children's sake. I am not sure
what the future holds but I will
continue to pray for my children
and wife and hope to write a happy
ending to this story.
Regards,
Larry
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Mike
replied:
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Hi, Larry —
Sorry I haven't got back to you sooner.
I'm sorry to hear about your wife's
response to the situation. No doubt
she is in denial.
Your focus is 100% on the nose: your
children and family.
If not I can send you one. Just
send me your postal address.
It's a great weapon in this type
of culture.
I'm happy to see that the bishop
took the appropriate steps.
If you find that the priest is around
your wife, despite what the bishop
told him, report this to the bishop immediately.
He can and should take more drastic
steps, like remove him completely
from the diocese until he can find another priest
from another diocese, and maybe in
another state to replace him.
I'm sure he doesn't want any more
sex scandals in his diocese.
Take care,
Mike
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Larry
replied:
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Hi Mike,
Well the situation has taken a strange
turn.
I was packed and ready to leave as
she had told me she didn't want to
be with me anymore, when she stopped
me at the door and broke down and
begged me not to leave. While she
admits she may have taken her relationship
a little too far with the priest,
she insists that he has done nothing
wrong and that I need to talk with
him and make things right between
them.
I told her that all we need to do,
at this moment, is be concerned with
our relationship and work on that
for time being. So there is possibly
a ray of hope or perhaps a last
attempt on her part
to reconnect with the priest.
She said that she tried to have a
deeper relationship with the priest
but he told her, he chose to be a
priest and has to stay with the Church.
It sounds like a bad soap opera but
it's where we're at right now.
Thought I would keep you up to date,
thanks for your thoughts and prayers.
Larry
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Mike
replied:
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Hi, Larry —
Thanks for the last update you sent
me. It's been a few months:
- How are things
going these days?
You and your family situation is
in my prayers.
Mike
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Larry
replied:
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Hello Mike,
I guess it's time for the final update.
I approached the bishop with several
e-mails and phone calls and he approached
his priest with them and, of course,
the priest denied any wrong doing
and chalked me up as a jealous kook. The bishop's decision, at that time,
was to allow the priest to remain
in the parish but he was not to have
any contact with any of my family.
The wife became furious and left
for a few days but returned, not
speaking with me. Since she learned
I was recording their conversations
she began to drive around on her
cell phone or as her brother saw,
spend 30 minutes after work in her
car on her phone.
A week later, I captured another
conversation she had with the priest
so I approached the bishop again. He
spoke with the priest again and again
returned saying the priest denies
any wrong doing and hasn't been in
contact with my wife. Later, I found
out the priest and my wife are registered
in the same English class in the
college. I captured another
conversation a few weeks ago where
they discussed the relatives he brought
from overseas and a test they took
in Seattle to do fingernails.
Basically, they deny any wrongdoing
and deny talking to each other. A
few weeks after the bishop
spoke to him, I spoke to the priest
and all he could offer is:
- the recordings of their conversations
was childish
- I don't know how to love my wife,
and
- that my jealousy forced them
to behave the way they did
I was flabbergasted and when I spoke
to the bishop again, I received a
reply from a Monsignor saying that,
once again, they deny any wrongdoing
and that they are sorry for my turmoil.
I am moving out with my two young
boys soon to try and begin a new
life and try to put this madness
behind me. It seems as though this
is acceptable behavior and I am wrong. It
is hard to swallow but I cannot beat
my head against a wall any longer.
I appreciate the help and advice
you have provided and wish you the
best.
Regards,
Larry
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Mike
replied:
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Wow.
I tend to agree with you.
I had meant to touch base
to see how things were going.
Seeing you initially sent your question
in back in April, the rest of the
team may be interested in what's
been going on so I'm sending them a copy of our dialogue.
They may have some good recommendations
for a person in your situation.
Know you are in my prayers.
Mike
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Mary
Ann replied:
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Larry,
Contact the St.
Joseph Foundation to see if
you have grounds for a suit in
canon law.
You can also sue in civil court,
I believe, as one husband in your
situation did.
Mary Ann
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