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Anonymous Rob wrote: |
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Hi, guys —
I have an awkward question, for which my searches have found nothing.
Let me give you the context: I am a male, and for medical reasons I no longer ejaculate upon climax. The feelings and everything still happen, but nothing comes out. I am Catholic, as is my wife — and she is very interested in following Catholic policy when it comes to sex.
I would like to know if the following is within Church teaching and morality — after having intercourse, if I (again for medical reasons) have not been able to complete intercourse, is it okay for her to help me complete the act afterward, so I am able to "finish". I read where it is okay (and considerate) for men to help women to finish afterward, because women's orgasm is not part of procreation.
- Does the same apply for a man who cannot ejaculate, as long as the attempt at intercourse was made first, in case a miracle could happen?
Rob
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| { If I can't complete intercourse, for medical reasons, is it OK for her to help me complete the act? } |
Mike replied:
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Dear Rob,
My colleague Bob can correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe the answer is yes, you are correct; it is allowed if it is part of the marital embrace. That said, we are not doctors, nor priests, nor priests trained in Canon Law. Bob answered a similar question here:
The best people to contact for a good answer would be:
- A practicing Catholic doctor
- A faithful Catholic priest or pastor trained in Canon Law, or
- A Spiritual Director who is faithful to the Church at a local monastery or convent.
Mike
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Paul replied:
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Rob,
I'll also throw in my two cents here. The over-arching principle with regard to sexual stimulation surrounding the marital embrace is that ejaculation must occur within the vagina. The husband may stimulate the wife during and after if necessary, since her climax is known to assist sperm cells to their natural destination. But it's much more problematic with regard to the husband's climax after intercourse.
This challenge, with its medical implications, should be discussed with a faithful priest or layman who knows and loves the Church's teaching on natural law. I would also suggest contacting Couple to Couple League (ccli.org) and/or The Pope Paul VI Institute (popepaulvi.com) for their advice and guidance. They are good resources.
Peace,
Paul
Beneath the Surface at www.Paulmurano.com – where faith and reason meet.
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Bob replied:
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Rob,
I would say that your wife may assist you in achieving climax (orgasm with ejaculation) after intercourse but you should immediately direct the ejaculation into the vagina. In other words, your sperm must follow their natural object which is the journey towards their target (the reproductive tract). You cannot simply have an orgasm for the sake of the pleasures without providing for the objective context. So a “hand job” or "oral sex" are not possible unless the ejaculation is completed in the reproductive context, which you can do easily enough if you feel the ejaculation rising through manual or other stimulation.
If you are able to have intercourse and have the feelings of a climax but do not ejaculate and your wife does achieve orgasm (or not), you have no sin if you do not ejaculate and want to leave it at that. So a man who is unable to achieve ejaculation does not sin in having intercourse with his wife because he is not objectively interfering with the natural act (with intent such as birth control, etc.). In other words, if he could ejaculate he would.
Peace,
Bob Kirby |
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