Dear Paula,

Thanks so much for reaching out.

When you get in a situation where you are concerned that you may have committed a mortal sin (being a serious matter, and having full knowledge and consent) then you should say an Act of Contrition, and then go to the Throne of Mercy.

Our Lord is loving and merciful and He won't push you away. Then when you are able, follow up with Confession.

If He sees you trying your best to do the right thing, after the fact, you should have no worries. Don't forget, satan loves to beat us down when we fall and he loves to create despair.

What is needed is a firm purpose of amendment and trust in God's endless Mercy. Pray the Rosary and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy — that will really get the accuser off your back and get you back in the right frame of mind to continue the fight; and yes, living the Faith is very much a battle with dark forces.

On clarifying what sodomy is . . . the traditional understanding of sodomy comes from it's namesake, Sodom. There, homosexuality was dominant in the culture, and the sex associated with it was given the name. The most disturbing and graphic act would be a man penetrating another man, but female lesbian acts can also be called sodomy. In the broadest sense, it could be sexual acts that are intrinsically disordered and also defy the fundamental procreative nature of sex. Homosexual oral and anal intercourse is foremost, but it is not limited to that.

In our Catholic Faith, sex is a gift from God to unite husband and wife and potentially bring new persons into the world. In this way, it allows us to share in God's creative work (for He must create the soul), and it is meant to be a blessing so we must keep the unitive and procreative elements intact, otherwise we are taking sex away from its God-given context, which is confirmed in its very name: sexual reproduction. That's why God wants sex in marriage — children need strong parents capable of giving them a good home. Sex outside of marriage is a setup for harder circumstances.

So if you are not married, you shouldn't be having sex, or solo acting out (masturbation) either, because we weren't meant for that and it diminishes our sanctity and ability to let God in and care for our needs. Our culture makes this very hard but trust me, it is possible with God's help. If that is your struggle, you are not alone, but you can get free; we have some other answers in our database on that. I would recommend you read the Similar Issues . . . block of web postings on this topic at the end of my reply.

Lastly, for husband and wife, openness to life means not letting foreplay become the main event so that the male orgasm is taken out of context. That means sperm are meant to be sent on their natural way (into the vagina) and not be thwarted by being released into some obstacle or even different location (I think you can figure out some of those particulars).

We work with biology, not against it. That doesn't mean that a married couple isn't going to get warmed up by love-making and arousing each other as lovers do, it just means they understand what and why they are doing this thing and not perverting it.

Catholics have always been given a bad rap for being so anti-sex, but that is an unfortunate stereotype from a time when folks were too embarrassed to talk about it at all. Fortunately, as an adult, when I really went through my conversion, I had a holy priest friend to talk to about sexual morality that helped me understand what the Church teaches. These days in a post sex-scandal world and Church, it will be even more difficult to find priests willing to talk about these things. We, the laity, will need to help each other even more to grapple with these challenges.

I hope that helps; there is obviously a lot more to discuss on this subject so if I didn't address your concerns, feel free to write again.

Peace,

Bob Kirby

Eric replied:

Paula,

You said:

• Please don't judge me for asking this question but what exactly is sodomy?

I've been wondering because I've seen various definitions for it and I don't exactly know what it means.

No worries, that's what we're here for. Sodomy is achieving orgasm via oral means or anal means as opposed to vaginal means. It's used to refer to sex between men, as well as sterile sex between a man and a woman as a form of contraception. Every sexual encounter must be open to life.

If you conduct a sexual act that, of its nature, cannot produce life, that is contrary to natural law and a grave sin.

You said:

• Also, is it true that if someone commits sodomy they have a long penance and can't receive Communion for a long time after confessing?

As for the length of penance, it depends on the Confessor. If you truly didn't understand that it was wrong, you shouldn't get a heavy penance. Frankly, I don't know anyone who gives out heavy penances today. There is no standard that determines a minimum penance to give for this type of sin.

• Does this make things any clearer?

This does not include natural acts which are theoretically open to life but, through some involuntary defect are sterile, such as menopause, impotence, or barrenness.

Eric Ewanco