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Anonymous Miguel wrote:

Hi, guys —

I'm currently falling in the sin of masturbation.

I do not view any explicit material. I just feel that my body and brain need to do it. I seriously do not want to do it because I want to please my Lord, but the brain constantly is sending signals.

I pray when I feel the urge and then it disappears but then there is again the urge and after a lot of fights, I end up falling in the sin again. I have a physical condition that creates a lot of stress in my life but it is something that at this moment can't be cured. I don't know what to do. I love my Lord and I don't want to let Him down. I think I need more help.

I don't have a girlfriend or anything.

  • Should I tell somebody about this?
  • Should I do something else apart from praying?

I am afraid my God won't bless me the day after I commit this sin.

  • What can I do?

Miguel

  { Seeing I'm doing the best I can, what advice do you have for someone struggling with masturbation? }

Bob replied:

Dear Miguel,

Thanks for the question. 

You are not alone, this is a struggle common to most males at one point or another, and biology does play into it.  Just like women have a menstrual cycle which changes their hormones throughout its course, men too have different hormonal patterns and thereby an increased sperm production at different times. Just as when your bladder is full and you want to relieve yourself, there is a sexual corollary as well.  High sperm count will increase sexual libido. 

  • So what can you do given this information?
  1. First, know you aren't crazy and it's not all about lust.
     
  2. Second, you can make this easier by coaching yourself effectively, and know that there are ways to lessen the struggle or make it worse, and prayer is vital of course. By avoiding porn and other sexually triggering material you are already doing the first step.

  3. Third, know that your body will develop its own habits, so if you feed the sexual build up by masturbating you are in effect training your body into knowing it can have a release every time it builds to a certain point.  So set a goal to monitor your craving and push through it without giving in, then see how your body responds.  You may have a wet dream, or a non-orgasm related ejaculation of excess sperm during a urination (generally at the end of peeing, though this may not happen until weeks have passed your craving).  Your body will learn that if is not getting a sexual release if will either reabsorb sperm or eliminate as necessary to achieve balance, and the libido will level out as well.  The end result is that by not giving in, your urges will diminish, and you will be able to get on with life without feeling like a slave to this.  The habit will be broken.

    When your resistance to the urges feels weak, that is when you need to call on God's help.  Pray your Rosary (every day is best), confess regularly, go to Mass — even on a weekday — especially when you feel particularly weak.  It is like going to the spiritual gym and getting a workout — you get stronger. The temptations grow weaker.

  4. Lastly, if you feel like you are failing, don't quit.  Be patient with yourself, victory comes to those who persevere.  You can always get an accountability buddy and use other resources if they are warranted, but I know many who have found freedom by just following some of these simple steps.

    Other resources: Install control software on your devices (like Pure Desire or Covenant Eyes) in order to prevent yourself from easy access to porn. Try these resources to:

Peace. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Bob Kirby

Miguel replied:

Thanks, so much guys for your replies.

This has helped a lot.

I will follow your advice.

God bless you too. I'm going to put you also in my prayers.

Miguel

Eric replied:

Miguel,

Relax, and be at peace.

As many times as you fall, get up, and you shall be saved. Focus on Christ, not your body.

Ask for his grace in times of temptation.

Eric

Miguel replied:

Thank you so much Eric for your quick advice.

I will do as you suggest.

God bless you and your beloved ones.

Miguel

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